Getting to the Bottom of the AQ50

I'm a big fan of Yo Samdy Sam. She's the reason why I decided to check out this forum in the first place. She's also why I didn't entirely give up on my search for answers months ago when I thought that I couldn't possibly be autistic because I'm not a picky eater, and I have friends, and I don't have specific routines that I have to follow in order not to get super anxious (at least I don't think), etc. But I did grow up feeling like an alien (my step dad just called me an alien a few days ago and has been a constant nickname throughout my life), I grew up observing people more so than interacting, being on the outside of every group I've ever been a part of no matter how hard I try, being always behind on trends, being complete obsessed with my writing and only ever talking about the ideas inside my own head and a few other random interests, etc.

I've seen a lot of her videos already along with other autistic youtubers. I'll be sure to check this video out.

I relate to this very much, thank you for your input. I was just talking to my therapist this morning about how I am coming to terms with my brain working different than everyone else's and no matter how hard I try to fit in and do things the same way as everyone else (which I have been doing since I first really made friends) I'm never going to be successful at it. I do things in a very round about, but in a semi societally acceptable way, to compensate, but now I'm realizing that I don't have to try to do what anyone else thinks I should or be the way anyone else thinks I should be and just be me. My dad would scream at me for being myself so I had to hide and hold everything inside. Which is probably the reason why when I get anxious or upset and literally want to throw myself into a wall or burst out of my body with movement and feelings I get very, very still instead (unless I'm in a very safe environment). Whether I turn out to be autistic or not, if I ever manage to get a consultation with a physician that is (which is extremely unlikely because that is expensive and even my therapist immediately shut me down again today when I brought it up. I mean fair, I present very, very atypically if I even am autistic which is... I dunno. No one believes me or will even consider it because I'm known for over thinking and overreacting and obsessively researching anything health related, at least that's the obsessive research that gets noticed by my parents, and I almost want to give up at this point), I just want to understand my own brain and place myself in a position in this world where I can finally get help for the struggles I've always had that get over looked because I appear to be doing just fine in school and otherwise on the outside. As college looms closer I'm realizing I'm not going to get through it if I don't figure out what works for me and not forcing myself to conform to what other people want from me. My brain is slow, I see things differently than everyone else, I shouldn't be expected to have to try to rush through taking notes and process things at the same time, directions should always be written out and not just given verbally one time, there should be welcoming, safe, quiet study places that aren't a cafeteria where you can go where you'll be guided there because anything outside of the norm makes you anxious and you don't want to be in a big open room where the people that run it are super strict and scary. Ugh. That was a lot yet again. I'm sorry.

I agree with both of those things. I enjoy hanging out with my friends and with my softball teammates (even when I'm a bit of an outsider with them) in very small, close knit settings when I know everyone, but throw me into a new social group or a large family event where there are lots of different groups to try to navigate and I can't just cling to one or two people the whole time is really hard and exhausting. The same with movies and museums. If is a movie I'm interested in and actively want to go out and see, I'm all for it, but otherwise Id rather just wait until it comes out onto video. For museums, if it has anything to do with dinosaurs or mythology, count me in, and some art. But if you take me to a modern art museum that is filled with pieces that I have to try to decipher and are so completely abstract that I can't see how what the author wrote about the piece connects to the piece I can't get into it. That's always been my issue with art. The beautiful renaissance portraits and things like that I'm all for, but if I can't actually see what the picture is or what story its trying to tell (or one I can craft) I get bored.

And yes, easily is so hard to define. I didn't particularly notice any question in the AQ that stumped me specifically because of that wording, but in other contexts I've struggled with that. Because there are easy, medium, and hard things about every situation you're in. Even the most difficult school project has easy parts. 

Hi Raven

i myself was not sure about all of the questions with the AQ50 test. Others I know say they felt muddled by some of the questions.  The first time I took it I got 29 then I watched a YouTube video by Yo Samdy Sam where she goes into questions about the test. I took it again and scored 35.  The RAAD-R test is different and I felt more comfortable with it.  There is also the AQ10 test. 
Links below.

Yo Samdy Sam

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fiALXZKzm3g&t=680s

All kinds of tests on this site

https://psychology-tools.com

The AQ10 test

www.nice.org.uk/.../autism-spectrum-quotient-aq10-test-pdf-186582493

Shyness! Interesting. I've had a think about this being shy, as I was very much so when young. I sometimes wonder if I was shy or overwhelmed. Shy or others didn't seem worthy of my trust. Shy or feeling unprotected. Shy or in a mode of being observant, in my own world, less excited about being interrupted.

Sometimes being 'Shy' creates a challenge of sorts to Neurotypical individuals. Others may attempt to extract you from your shyness, some may be driven toward this mysteriousness, others may think it a plot (the strong silent type male, the coy and highly persuasive 'shy' female). If I am perceived as someone playing a game or manipulative or silent and mysterious and a 'nut to crack', I would then pull out the Autism card. It brings a whole possibility of events that could follow to a halt. 

When I was young I recall my parents friends being a loud game-night bunch and I trusted very few of them. One friends father would openly abuse his wife (1970), others would ask invasive questions. Being accused of being 'rude' by not responding when my mind would simply go blank was frustrating and simply gave me more reasons to not trust adults unless they seemed understanding. 

You mum may have learned to grow out of it as she may have brain type that functions well within this construct of society. Even if you don't desire to be labelled as such, it can be good to understand how these different brain-types are wired. I don't use labels much, but it would have been incredibly useful between 20-40 so as to make quicker assessments of humans I should keep at a distance. Some will not bother to understand and cause problems which can affect use financially. Some have little regard for matters of truth. And while understanding personality types did help a little, had I known I simply don't have the wiring to be easily advertised to (by persuasion or fear), and I don't always use language in the evolved sense which normal individuals do, it would've saved a good deal of frustration and a myriad of unneeded arguments. :) 

I think this is a common issue people find with the AQ tests. Some of the social questions I think well it depends. I like a party if it’s a close family members “big” birthday party at my uncles house. But a wedding reception where I only know the bride? No way. Same with the museum vs theatre questions, depends what I’ll be seeing. My husband struggled with the definition of easily, how to quantify things he can do but with some effort