Hello all
I hope you are well.
I got my Aspergers Diagnosis in 2016 at the age of 50.
While the Diagnosis has answered a lot of questions regarding my life such as why I am not able to do certain things and why I can do things others are not able to, it has created many more.
I live alone, my Mum passed away in 2011 and she left me the house and contents, something my Brother and Sister were not too happy about, particularly my Brother who did not speak to me for more than a year.
I have no friends and I do not see my Brother or Sister much at all.
I guess the reason I do not have, or have ever had, any friends is that I do not, and have never, understood people, I do not understand why people say, or do, the things they do, I also do not like being around people as I get very uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, I always feel lonely, and alone, but I do not like to be around people, which makes things difficult, to say the least.
I have also never been in a relationship for the above reasons and also because I do not like human touch.
I have hit a real low recently, sometimes, I wish that I saw the world as an ND (?) and only as an ND (?), unfortunately, I see the world as an ND (?) and also as an NT at the same time which gets overwhelming.
Time is also something that means little to me since I tend to perceive it differently to most, apparently, I thought everyone experienced things the same as me, until I was diagnosed and found out that that was not the case.
Because of the way I perceive time, age means nothing to me, I know I am seen as being 55 but to me, I am every age, simultaneously, easy to explain, hard to understand.
Also, the way my memory works is apparently different to the majority, something else I thought was normal, I hate that word, until I was diagnosed.
Whereas most people have to specifically think of a memory, all of my memories from my life are with me constantly.
The way I try to explain this is to use a train track where, for most people it is broken up with the sleepers into sections, for example, toddler, teenager, 20s', 30s' etc., for me there are no sleepers.
Another way of looking at it is to imagine that when you were born you were given a box, as you go through your life all of your memories, experiences, conversations etc. are placed in that box.
That box is still with me.
I basically have 55 years of memories, the good and the bad, experiences, conversations etc. in my head all at the same time which I have learnt over the years to cope with, however, it is overwhelming at times.
I also tend to experience multiple scenarios to a single event, imagine, you leave your house, and you have two choices, turn left or turn right, I experience both scenarios.
I have tried to explain the above as best I can but the crux of everything is that at the moment I am really struggling, and because I have no friends or family that truly understands me, I feel alone with nowhere to turn.
Apologies for the tome.
Take care
Kevin
