Hello all
i Hope you are all ok. I’m 46, diagnosed with autism after PTSD at age of 35. I was born in communist Poland in 1975 to alcoholic father and PE teacher mother. I have 3 younger siblings, just 5 years apart. When I was little both of them work on me, to make sure I don’t get locked up. I have had all symptoms of autism. They have no idea what is wrong with me. Over a time I got label of selfish and cruel person. Every time my mum was pregnant I’ve tantrum. I could not think of one more person in this poor little space, which become louder and louder. Like I said they work on me to sort me out. Biggest treads was I will lock down as a crazy person. I was even shown an institution. It was that huge building on the hill, with kids which never go out. I work on myself like crazy, ever correct my feet’s going awkwardly inside. They always said they want me to enjoy life and be happy. So like I said I work hard, I even stopped that mental daydream horrors which I have had, when everything getting bigger and I’m so small, with this weird sound. At 13 I just simply said I want it to stop it, and it slowly become less and less. At that point I become more focused, I have finally have time to focus on knowledge, which love so much. I started doing at school from zero to the best scores. Life could not be better. I’ve learn how to be super shy to super popular. From kid which have had rotten tooth’s to brilliantly white smile. From neglected poor kid to fashion icon. Person which always got the job, even if I don’t have experience. I failed interview because I did not know computer, so the same day I’ve ask ask my friend, which have had one, if I can spend a night on his computer. I’ve brought with me A-Z beginners computer course. Over a night I knew everything, week after I was working as a secretary in computer company. 2 moths later I was building PC there still being secretary. Very long story short. I feel like I’m mentally sick. I love astronomy, history and etymology. I appreciate my parents for they efforts to make me normal human being. Focus on love and having kids. I’ve never been married because I’ve promised myself at age of 4, I will never do until I find my soul mate, because kids needs both of parents. I won’t live and and up as they do. Now I’m a waitress in England doing amazing money, singe 46 years old terrified. Before you jump up to the judgment, I have had my 2 own business, which both overwhelmed me. Both very successful, in both I’ve resigned. To many people, too much. For the own business I was train my grandmother, since I remember. Where do I find my own happiness? Before you say astronomy history or etymology, I do that everyday. There is nothing better then watch documentary about univers. I hope you all understands. I’m not sure how this is working here, but typing my life story down is already huge help
Kind regards
Jo
