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Autism and cafe work

danny

Hi, I am an autistic 17, soon to be 18 year old in a couple days I work in an independent cafe. It’s really stressful but I need this job because it pays well and I need the money, but I’m really struggling at the moment. I feel as though nothing I do is right and nobody really likes me that much apart from a couple people. I’m constantly having to be reminded to do things faster (like washing up, which is already really difficult for me to do sensory wise and I’m going as fast as I can, and cleaning up empty plates on my way back from delivering food as I really struggle to do more than one thing at once). I’m finding it really hard and I feel like I can’t do anything right but I really need this job. They know I’m autistic but nothings really changed and I feel like everyday I annoy them a little more :( I’m really stuck and just lost and I don’t know what to do anymore because I’m trying my best

  • I wish to congratulate you and support you for your immense courage in working.  It is amazing when an autistic person subjects their hyper-sensitivity to what is Life. 

    I’m not sure of all of the details but for me the ‘people’ aspect of jobs is the difficult part.  

    since I got diagnosed three years ago I realise that my reaction to facial expressions is ….flawed or maybe…disordered? 

    I don’t know what people think.  I jump to the worst possible interpretation of their facial expression because I can’t read their minds.  I have no other evidence apart from my own imagination that they don’t like me.  In the past I acted on my own imaginary version.  By acting as if they didn’t like me I took actions that were defensive.  To others defensive action is offensive action.

    I made my imaginary version true in this way. 

    Now I recognise when snd where the problem is in me not in them and I try to not treat with them with as much justice as possible.

    A court of law would never uphold my jumping to conclusions as evidence. 

    I am more free when I can see where I catastrophise or disregard the needs of others etc 

    I am freed from the pain of resenting other people 

    snyway bravo on doing what you are doing but mostly for sharing it widely with others: that is where the solution is, outside my head not in my thoughts 

  • Hi!  

    It does sound as though they don't understand how the autistic brain works. But also, and unfortunately, most jobs in the service industry can be incredibly difficult for us. The expectations of these jobs include NT multi-tasking and customer relations - both of which aren things I know I'm not able to do well. If you had one particular role here, like just making drinks or just washing up it might be a little better fit. As you've mentioned needing money... Is this the only job around? Could you pick up work on a farm or the post office or in a Library or with the your city council?  

    Since you're young, it would be good to learn about your strengths and limits. For instance, if you can easily focus, thats a strength. Focus becomes limited when one tries to multi-task. Unfortunately, we can't have it both ways :)  You could also take the Meyers-briggs test if you haven't already. Sometimes it's just useful for introducing individuals to personality types & what they might be suited for when building a career. 

    When I was young I didn't have much help learning about who I was and what I was naturally interested in, nor did I have all the diagnostics I needed to cope, so no one told me the jobs I kept applying for were a terrible match for my personality and a waste of talent. Subsequently, I couldn't do them well and was often let go - though they all appreciated how hard I worked. Which isn't always a good thing. The ideal is really for us to find things we're naturally drawn to and suited for, which we don't mind working longer hours or labouring away at. The odd stressful day is OK. But if you can, find as much help as possible forging a career-path for your future.