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Car fears

Magnolia1

My fear of being in a car is getting worse.

I drive myself but I am getting more restricted as to where I am happy to drive to (known places, not too far and not at night). Plus I always get worried about not being able to park. 

Yesterday we did an hour 1/2 journey on some motorways with my husband driving and I was terrified. Every time he changed lanes I panicked and I was praying in my head and crying a bit. I have never been this bad before. 

A few weeks ago we skidded off the road (no one hurt) and I think that really made things worse. Logically that has happened once in the whole 22 years he has been driving me around.  We have made thousands of journeys and always been fine. My Auntie was killed in a car crash whilst her husband was driving on a narrow country lane so that's always in my head too. 

Amy ideas on how I can get over this as car journeys are a necessary part of life and I don't want to talk to my husband as I don't want him to think he is a bad driver and I don't trust him.

  • Oh - that must be awful for you - I’m sorry. It’s not surprising really if you had a relative die in a car accident. And then the skidding off the road recently too - no wonder you feel quite anxious about it - that’s quite natural really. In terms of helping - in my experience the more you avoid what you fear the more afraid you get - so ideally keep travelling in the car and eventually your anxiety levels will come down - just give it time and know that it will reduce eventually. You know your husband is a good driver (even the best drivers can make very small mistakes but they very rarely serious consequences). 
    Like you when I drive I also prefer to plan - both where I’m going to drive and where I park - I think that’s normal for autistic people, and a lot of people don’t like driving in the dark. I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it - some people are just more cautious in that way. It’s great that you can drive - even if you do have some restrictions about it. 
    I think the key thing is to keep getting in the car - and in time the anxiety will go down. Good luck x

  • The first two years I drove with the thought of crashing into someone and was not afraid of anything. Then five or six years of euphoria. Then I began to be afraid of crashing into me. This year I have been driving for 20 years. Now I'm afraid of pedestrians, suddenly flying cars, night cars with d1s light bulbs off.

  • in reply to moon

    That might be a good idea, she’s too big for her travel potty now thanks

  • in reply to GuybrushThreepwood
    GuybrushThreepwood said:
    needing the toilet more

    I keep a large mouthed bottle in the car (laundry softner bottles are good).

    For the wifey I have something like this...

    Female portable urinal

  • Get yourself some advanced driver training where you learn all sorts of good stuff on how to avoid accidents, how to control the car when it skids etc. Also get discounts on your car insurance. Choose a course were most/all of the driving is not on the public roads so you don't have to stress about other peoples driving.

    Of course, you don't want to go on the course by yourself... so your husband should go also Slight smile

    I do encourage you to talk about your fears with your husband though - I'm sure you can find a way to explain it without damaging his ego. I would be mortified if I blithly kept driving in a fashion that scared my wife because I didn't know how she was feeling.

  • I think it’s natural for your anxiety to be heightened after a crash. I’ve only had one, didn’t get a new car for 6 months and I still cried the first time I had to use a similar junction to the one I was hit at. I’m not really worried about driving now but it would be my worst nightmare to be stuck on a closed motorway or similar not knowing how long before we can go, although I think a lot of that now is to do with needing the toilet more since I had my daughter! (And also her needing the toilet if we were stuck as she’s only 4) maybe it is a good idea to look into getting a blue badge as Lucy has suggested, I think anxiety is now an eligible condition

  • in reply to NAS73180

    I think this is a natural reaction to a car crash and I hope with time, you are able to overcome your fears. You say you worry about parking but if you are on the spectrum then you may be elligible for a blue badge. I have one and have no issues with parking now and would not be without it.

  • I train my focus on the speedometer to deal with nerves while driving. 

  • Perhaps it's PTSD! My Gran made me feel uncomfortable driving her everywhere. But she witnessed several accidents while mum drove, and just assumed I'd have an accident with her. Of course, she saw nothing wrong with her attitude; she was that senile.

    Trauma can seriously affect how we react.

  • Hi Magnolia1,

    Thank you for sharing this with our community. While we are waiting for the community to respond, you may like to take a look at our page about anxiety, https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/anxiety/autistic-adults

    Alternatively, you may visit our page about transport, we have some information about driving or road safety, https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/transport

    Hope this helps.

    Kind regards,

    Eunice Mod