Long story: I have Asperger's. I've never had a girlfriend, and now I know why.
I recently got out of hospital after essentially being assaulted by another person I know who has Asperger's.
I had a housemate who has Asperger's. He coerced me out of my house and despite my repeated insistences that I wasn't interested, he decided that he was going to get me to join in on practice sword fighting. After a little bit, he struck me across the eye causing me to go blind in one eye and be in the hospital for a week. After the initial strike he said with zero emotion: "one inch higher and id have hit your temple. you'd probably be dead."
He later phoned to check on me in the ER, and the conversation, he apologized briefly, then went on a 20 minute diatribe about how after he's apologized once he feels no need to do it again despite putting someone in the hospital because he's "a diagnosed sociopath and that absolves him of all guilt.".
After the initial strike and after my senses kicked back in, I thought "if he's willing to do this to someone he used to be semi friendly with, god forbid he ever get into a relationship."
Then it clicked. I understood.
When I was a teenager I couldn't get a girlfriend. "Because I was weird and creepy". I was told children were cruel. These things would pass. They did not.
When I hit my 20's, I couldn't get a girlfriend. "Because I was weird." "I was creepy" "I just want to be friends" etc etc. Things continued to not pass. After an event in which I confessed my feelings to someone, was rejected, again, and after a two week sinkhole where I stared really hard at the blades of my katanas, I phoned the girl. I accepted the screw up, apologized and moved on. My 20's continued in which I moved to a new country and thought I could try again. The result remained the same.
During my 30's, I stopped trying. It wasn't worth the pain and the effort.
I'm almost 40 now. I've always known there's been that weird aura of emotional unreadability between me and normal people. But now I understand it won't change. Women will always feel uncomfortable around me because "i'm not normal" "i emit weird energy" "you're strange" "you're fucking creepy"
I mean, on the one hand, I don't object to being single. I have money, free time, hobbies, whatever.
But on the other, the clarity is incredibly painful.