Is This Alexithymia

Once upon a time in the 1980s I was in the bath listening to Samuel Barber’s “Adagio For Strings”.  Then I heard my girlfriend come home. She walked in the bathroom and said uurgh! music to die to! I was surprised as I thought it was happy music. On the odd occasion over the years I have though to myself why is it say sad music. I have often wondered about such stuff. It does seem to be true that I find it hard to collect words for some things in the way that a literary person or someone describing music would.
It has taken a couple of decades but recently I thought about what would a happy piece of music be. I thought about Shiny Happy People by REM and watched the YouTube video. I love the song. It involves people smiling while dancing up and down. Ahh! I can see/hear a difference. This is happy because they are moving up and down at a particular speed and smiling. I can see this visually. But then it is their speed of movement which is a spatial distance and speed from the floor which is with the meaning.  That can’t be the only criteria of happiness though surely. Upwards is from somewhere and in this case it is the floor.  However I see the Adagio as uplifting in which there is the concept of upwards which must be up from somewhere. Up has to be co-dependant on a frame  of reference. Spatially could this be a floor therefore length.
The Adagio has beauty therefore a nice feeling so what is wrong with saying it is happy. Recently I read however that it is regarded as mournful and played at funerals.  I have been into Buddhism however and there is a notion that things share properties with other things. So maybe it is not so clear cut. But hang on it would be daft to say they are the same wouldn’t it.
Ok I am beginning to understand something and if you guys want to have a laugh at this then have a laugh on me! I sometimes laugh. It is just finding words for emotions and needing something visual to recognise a difference. Yes I think/feel visually and synaesthetically.  An emotion in me will be seen as a picture with colour but not necessarily figurative (an object or person). An emotion can be a splash of two colours with a gradient between them. Any spot on the continuum between them is a part of change of emotion. Sometimes one of the colours can represent the future and the emotion that it is.
As well I still believe it is not so simple. Words are hardly ever completely spot on the mark in identifying properties and qualities of feeling states. To me all emotions are images but even symbols are not exact and the taxonomy of words seeks to reduce emotions. Images in my mind/body can be abstract and they are not completely accurate. Also how can science reduce an emotion to a square if it is an image. Could all this let me off the hook or, well people would have a point in correcting me. Well maybe I finally am learning it is not happy music but music to die to sigh!
I would like to ask though pleasey weasy!
Can anyone relate to this? Is this Alexithymia? does it seem Autistic?
Parents
  • I wonder - could you create paintings of how you see these emotions? 

    a splash of two colours with a gradient between them. Any spot on the continuum between them is a part of change of emotion. Sometimes one of the colours can represent the future and the emotion that it is.

    I love a whole art showing with massive canvases exposing how another envisions the world. 

    Words and Identifications can be difficult when sorting through overwhelming images in ones imagination. Or when the mind suddenly goes blank (which I think is a form of alexithymia). For me it took years to become more articulate. Commenatary and Opinion columns help, especially individuals who are brilliant with their construction - Orwells old essays, for instance. Caitlin Moran's books and columns. One can become a 'word-smith' of sorts, just as anything can be learned. But I'm afraid I might never be quick with it.

Reply
  • I wonder - could you create paintings of how you see these emotions? 

    a splash of two colours with a gradient between them. Any spot on the continuum between them is a part of change of emotion. Sometimes one of the colours can represent the future and the emotion that it is.

    I love a whole art showing with massive canvases exposing how another envisions the world. 

    Words and Identifications can be difficult when sorting through overwhelming images in ones imagination. Or when the mind suddenly goes blank (which I think is a form of alexithymia). For me it took years to become more articulate. Commenatary and Opinion columns help, especially individuals who are brilliant with their construction - Orwells old essays, for instance. Caitlin Moran's books and columns. One can become a 'word-smith' of sorts, just as anything can be learned. But I'm afraid I might never be quick with it.

Children
  • Hi thanks for the reply. I have done some painting in art classes. The meanings that they produce and evoke in people can be a diverse education. Abstract art shows how just form can be feeling based but beyond simple words. 

    I can relate to you talking about Opinion Columns and commentary I have been looking at some and learning stuff. Kitty Empire in the Observer comments on music and to me she is amazing with language in a certain way.  I have a mixed higher education but it is as if she has an intelligence I don’t have.  I have been writing down her phrases.  As well I once did a few years counselling training. However I have been reading Mariella Frostrup’s agony aunt page and there is no way I have her articulation as to human relations. I can do some reflective empathy stuff. I had to give up counselling at a professional level mostly because of attention problems but now I am considering other reasons.

    Yes Caitlin Moran has an amazing talent and I have recently been looking at her stuff and amazed and thinking how does she put life into words.

    Just  to let you know Caitlin Moran grew up a mile from where I live. 

    As well part of me is wondering if the subject of Alexithymia can be broadened then as in the case of the stereotype of Autistic people having no empathy which gets challenged quite a lot. That is if emotionality is so broad in such a way that such a lot of it is beyond words then the simple assumption of no words therefore no emotions can be reconsidered as it can have negative connotations.