Autism-Shaming: Is camouflaging an obligation or a choice?

Many autistic people describe camouflaging as an obligation, rather than a choice.‘ Camouflagingis a term used to describe behaviours that hide or mask aspects of oneself from others, or to ‘pass’ as 'neurotypical' in everyday social interactions (Hull et al. 2017). It is particularly prominent in social situations, where it has come to be called ‘social camouflaging’. One recent study (Cage & Troxell-Whitman, 2019) revealed that 70% of autistic adults reported that they consistently camouflage.  Do things need to change?  Are we to blame? Or are neurotypicals to blame? Is there a solution, or are we doomed to our attempts to conform to neurotypical conventions? Have we no other choice other than to continue to apologise for being autistic? How many times have you apologised for your autistic behaviour? How often do you seek the approval of neurotypicals by camouflaging your autism so as to fit in with them? How many times have you been autism-shamed by neurotypicals, or worse by other neurodivergents?

Parents
  • For me it definitely depends on a variety of factors. Who I'm with, how big a group it is, did I sleep well the night before, am I more stressed than normal, etc. 

    All being well, I sometimes even enjoy presenting a different version of myself, the social, engaging, funny version that comes out when I'm out anywhere that isn't a space where I feel comfortable. I enjoy when something I've planned to say makes someone laugh or makes them happy, or they react in the way I hoped. It's like a game where I get points the more I interact.

    But it is exhausting for me. If I have time to recover, then the masking/code switching is something that I will sometimes choose because I like the feeling of being accepted and thought of as a sociable, engaging person. If I don't have recovery time, then it's a survival first necessity to cut it back as much as I can or I become a zombie. 

    People will actually ask me if I'm feeling ok, because they notice the shut down, and it makes me feel bad because it feels like I'm letting them down by them noticing that something is making me 'not my usual self'. 

    If it's people I know well or have known a long time then they generally know and accept that sometimes I will be bright and funny and happy and other times I can't hold a conversation and need to sit quietly and not make eye contact.

Reply
  • For me it definitely depends on a variety of factors. Who I'm with, how big a group it is, did I sleep well the night before, am I more stressed than normal, etc. 

    All being well, I sometimes even enjoy presenting a different version of myself, the social, engaging, funny version that comes out when I'm out anywhere that isn't a space where I feel comfortable. I enjoy when something I've planned to say makes someone laugh or makes them happy, or they react in the way I hoped. It's like a game where I get points the more I interact.

    But it is exhausting for me. If I have time to recover, then the masking/code switching is something that I will sometimes choose because I like the feeling of being accepted and thought of as a sociable, engaging person. If I don't have recovery time, then it's a survival first necessity to cut it back as much as I can or I become a zombie. 

    People will actually ask me if I'm feeling ok, because they notice the shut down, and it makes me feel bad because it feels like I'm letting them down by them noticing that something is making me 'not my usual self'. 

    If it's people I know well or have known a long time then they generally know and accept that sometimes I will be bright and funny and happy and other times I can't hold a conversation and need to sit quietly and not make eye contact.

Children
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