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Autism-Shaming: Is camouflaging an obligation or a choice?

☕Tassimo ☕

Many autistic people describe camouflaging as an obligation, rather than a choice.‘ Camouflaging’ is a term used to describe behaviours that hide or mask aspects of oneself from others, or to ‘pass’ as 'neurotypical' in everyday social interactions (Hull et al. 2017). It is particularly prominent in social situations, where it has come to be called ‘social camouflaging’. One recent study (Cage & Troxell-Whitman, 2019) revealed that 70% of autistic adults reported that they consistently camouflage.  Do things need to change?  Are we to blame? Or are neurotypicals to blame? Is there a solution, or are we doomed to our attempts to conform to neurotypical conventions? Have we no other choice other than to continue to apologise for being autistic? How many times have you apologised for your autistic behaviour? How often do you seek the approval of neurotypicals by camouflaging your autism so as to fit in with them? How many times have you been autism-shamed by neurotypicals, or worse by other neurodivergents?

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  • As I understand it, if I don't talk or make any eye contact, and I sit in a corner alone and by myself, and I don't make the effort to interact and engage with NT, then NT will perceive this to be "rude" behavior, since it comes across like I'm ignoring them, like I don't like them. Then they start giving me cut eyes, and they start bullying me, because they assume that I'm ignoring them, that I don't like them, and that being rude to them, so in their mind they're being rude to me back, because it's retaliation for a perceived offense. 

    But from my perspective, I've just simply walked in and sat down. But then randomly, they're giving me cut eyes, and then out of nowhere they suddenly start bullying me. I just think they don't like me, but I won't understand why they are being so mean to me. I didn't even do anything or talk to them at all. It's just confusing. 

    I'd be talking, someone says something funny in a group, I'd feel happiness, but I didn't show it on my face or change my neutral facial expression, so that person got mad at me, but I didn't mean to upset them. 

    After instances of basically being socially tormented like this, I learned to camouflage, because others treat me better (they'd smile and wave at me, rather than look at me with cut eyes and get angry with me). It's a huge difference, but of course my natural tendencies to "invert" and wish that I was in a corner not talking or looking at anyone, is always there in the background. But I make the effort to interact with other people, because as tiring as it is, the day goes by easier. A pack of friendly folk is a lot nicer to be around than a pack of angry wolves.

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  • As I understand it, if I don't talk or make any eye contact, and I sit in a corner alone and by myself, and I don't make the effort to interact and engage with NT, then NT will perceive this to be "rude" behavior, since it comes across like I'm ignoring them, like I don't like them. Then they start giving me cut eyes, and they start bullying me, because they assume that I'm ignoring them, that I don't like them, and that being rude to them, so in their mind they're being rude to me back, because it's retaliation for a perceived offense. 

    But from my perspective, I've just simply walked in and sat down. But then randomly, they're giving me cut eyes, and then out of nowhere they suddenly start bullying me. I just think they don't like me, but I won't understand why they are being so mean to me. I didn't even do anything or talk to them at all. It's just confusing. 

    I'd be talking, someone says something funny in a group, I'd feel happiness, but I didn't show it on my face or change my neutral facial expression, so that person got mad at me, but I didn't mean to upset them. 

    After instances of basically being socially tormented like this, I learned to camouflage, because others treat me better (they'd smile and wave at me, rather than look at me with cut eyes and get angry with me). It's a huge difference, but of course my natural tendencies to "invert" and wish that I was in a corner not talking or looking at anyone, is always there in the background. But I make the effort to interact with other people, because as tiring as it is, the day goes by easier. A pack of friendly folk is a lot nicer to be around than a pack of angry wolves.

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