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Autism-Shaming: Is camouflaging an obligation or a choice?

☕Tassimo ☕

Many autistic people describe camouflaging as an obligation, rather than a choice.‘ Camouflaging’ is a term used to describe behaviours that hide or mask aspects of oneself from others, or to ‘pass’ as 'neurotypical' in everyday social interactions (Hull et al. 2017). It is particularly prominent in social situations, where it has come to be called ‘social camouflaging’. One recent study (Cage & Troxell-Whitman, 2019) revealed that 70% of autistic adults reported that they consistently camouflage.  Do things need to change?  Are we to blame? Or are neurotypicals to blame? Is there a solution, or are we doomed to our attempts to conform to neurotypical conventions? Have we no other choice other than to continue to apologise for being autistic? How many times have you apologised for your autistic behaviour? How often do you seek the approval of neurotypicals by camouflaging your autism so as to fit in with them? How many times have you been autism-shamed by neurotypicals, or worse by other neurodivergents?

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  • I've thought about this for years. It's OK to use ethics to afford kindness or politeness to others. It's OK to be a mild version of myself in company I don't know and I don't really care to get to know. There are 2 sides to this. 

    One is creating a fluid way of moving - mobility. I don't mind personally being covert, a wall flower if it lessens interaction, which is overwhelming and if it allows an affording kindness by playing along. Everyone wins. Humans use a bit of grown up reason and rules to navigate society and without that, people can get very selfish and cruel and demanding. So I'd rather be part of something where we all 'do our part'. 

    The other issues is that a facade can be a strict boundary. I don't need your approval, I don't need to allow myself to be vulnerable around you, it does take time to learn who one can trust and that's a very demanding position for an exhcange without proper investment of friendship. 

    Others have attempted to shame me many times throughout my life, but it didn't feel like shame. It felt like rejection and unkind. I felt unknown and belittled. That says more about the other than it does me. In retrospect, they were the wrong humans to be open and authentic with. 

    Now I am more strict about my time, my worth, my being. I am more protective and I do not share if you do not prove you are worth my sharing with. Everyone has a fair amount of complications and not everyone wants to be kind. We really have a limited capacity for other human interaction and investment. I cannot be everything to everyone nor can you. So I am very very particular about freindships. 

    Work environments, the same. I am fortunate enough to work for myself (for now) but I do mind my intensities around others. Mostly because being so elevated, reason can easily escape ones thinking and I might say or do something I actually wouldn't thoughtfully do. If this means I slow down on purpose, then so be it. I want to be someone others trust and rely on.

    After enough research, I've realised Successful NT's have a whole myriad of internal disciiplines they undergo daily, whether for Aesthetic or Ethics or to make more money. Does the motive really matter if we have a safe society with museums and libraries and wine bars... 

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  • I've thought about this for years. It's OK to use ethics to afford kindness or politeness to others. It's OK to be a mild version of myself in company I don't know and I don't really care to get to know. There are 2 sides to this. 

    One is creating a fluid way of moving - mobility. I don't mind personally being covert, a wall flower if it lessens interaction, which is overwhelming and if it allows an affording kindness by playing along. Everyone wins. Humans use a bit of grown up reason and rules to navigate society and without that, people can get very selfish and cruel and demanding. So I'd rather be part of something where we all 'do our part'. 

    The other issues is that a facade can be a strict boundary. I don't need your approval, I don't need to allow myself to be vulnerable around you, it does take time to learn who one can trust and that's a very demanding position for an exhcange without proper investment of friendship. 

    Others have attempted to shame me many times throughout my life, but it didn't feel like shame. It felt like rejection and unkind. I felt unknown and belittled. That says more about the other than it does me. In retrospect, they were the wrong humans to be open and authentic with. 

    Now I am more strict about my time, my worth, my being. I am more protective and I do not share if you do not prove you are worth my sharing with. Everyone has a fair amount of complications and not everyone wants to be kind. We really have a limited capacity for other human interaction and investment. I cannot be everything to everyone nor can you. So I am very very particular about freindships. 

    Work environments, the same. I am fortunate enough to work for myself (for now) but I do mind my intensities around others. Mostly because being so elevated, reason can easily escape ones thinking and I might say or do something I actually wouldn't thoughtfully do. If this means I slow down on purpose, then so be it. I want to be someone others trust and rely on.

    After enough research, I've realised Successful NT's have a whole myriad of internal disciiplines they undergo daily, whether for Aesthetic or Ethics or to make more money. Does the motive really matter if we have a safe society with museums and libraries and wine bars... 

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