Hi, I am an almost 35 years old female. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder approx. 7 years ago, when I had one of my worse mental breakdowns.
I have lived through multiple traumatic experience and can understand why the psychiatrist saw it that way then, but I am disappointed they did not pick up on what I consider clear autistic traits as well. I remember going in to the meeting thinking I am going to be diagnosed as autistic, but instead I felt hurt, angry, disappointed and somewhat gaslit when she said "You make eye contact, you can't possibly be autistic!". I CHOOSE to make eye contact and tell myself to make eye contact. I now know what I do is called masking.
For a couple years now I've been thinking about having kids and my partner has agreed we can try in the near future. So I think it would be good for me and my future child if I had a second opinion. I believe it would be helpful to have a diagnosis because it is difficult to communicate in general and with doctors in particular. I would also like to be as best prepared as possible and be the best mom an autistic woman can be. If it's hard for me to communicate with others, maybe I can learn something and then teach my child to make it easier on them.
Before deciding to get a second opinion, I bought some books written by adult females with autism. It was painful and eye opening to see that I've been masking many of the traits that would have helped get an early diagnosis. I also finally understood why being outside among people, cars and everything else is so trying. Why I feel like crying after "normal" activities, why I almost had a panic attack watching a "fun" comedy (sensory overload). I bought ear defenders for the first time and noticed an immediate improvement in my mood and energy levels. I can see I take things literally, for example saying almost 35 instead of 34 (I will be 35 yo in September) and why I've had difficulties "sticking" with a job, a relationship, etc. And so many other things.
I want to get a private diagnosis. I do not want to wait 3 years, or even 3 months for that matter, to be seen. The amount of money I spent, in the past 2 years, on my photography equipment, camera and props is higher than the cost of a private diagnosis (photography is my main hobby at the moment). I am disappointed with the interaction I had with the NHS psychiatrist I saw almost 7 years ago and would very much rather spend a lot of money to get a private diagnosis, than go through that again. I am impatient and anxious, waiting and not knowing what and when something will happen feels horrible to me.
I am trying to "sieve" through the topics on this forum, but it takes a lot of my already dwindling energy to go through each thread and read comments to find the answers I'm after.
I am after advice on any advice you may have on the whole process and recommendations for private psychiatrists.
Thank you
Anna
