I am a recently diagnosed autistic man in my forties (it's possible that I have ADHD too but assessment is just beginning) and I honestly don't know how to progress now I have that diagnosis. It isn't a diagnosis that can progress to treatment or cure, its like discovering I'm colour-blind (which I also am), sure it explains some things but there's no hope for progress (at least that's how it feels to me).
I've always struggled with social interactions, I've always been incredibly uncomfortable with eye-contact and prolonged physical contact, I have always had special interests that I throw myself into obsessively, I have always had many other features of autism and I thought that pursuing a diagnosis alongside counselling would leave me with a better understanding, fairer assessment and kinder opinion of myself (I have had depression and anxiety for over twenty years also). It hasn't (in fact my depression has sunk to an all-time low since the diagnosis).
It's left me with an identifiable part of myself that I – in all honesty – would love to cut out. I'd happily give up the enjoyment of my special interests if it meant that I could be comfortable with the kinds of interaction with the world that non-autistic people do.
In short, I don't want to be autistic even though I know there's nothing I can do about it.
Any help or advice would be very welcome.
