Overthinking and Anxiety in Autism

Hi everyone!

It's my first post here so nice to meet you all

I'm a 26 year old female from UK and I want to reach out to a community to feel less alone and to see if anyone can give some advice on an issue (or two) I'm having.

So a back story..

I've been diagnosed since I can remember so I've always known to be under the autistic spectrum (mostly i'd say.. Asperger's) but because I wasn't really informed about it because I was so early diagnosed, I still believe I am still learning to this day how to deal with some of my issues, especially as an adult in an adult world. I come to realise how incredibly naive I had become and I'm trying to catch up on my emotional age to my physical age.. so for example, I'm 26 but I still feel like I'm 19.

So recently, so many life events have happened, which I still feel I am still trying to catch up! one obvious thing which I believe has been difficult to many of us, Covid happened, so lots of adjusting to a 'new' normal.. but not only that:

- I had to move out of my parent's house and get myself in a new flat with my boyfriend, learned what council tax is, how to organise bills, set up providers.. grocery shopping.. all those things I used to rely on my parents for 25 years!

- Had to improve my communication and relationship skills with my boyfriend. I'd pick on fights based on my anxiety and insecurities. Based on our fights, I've been trying to be a 'better person' and with this autistic mindset, you can imagine I'm doing a checklist of things that is good to do and not good to do.. when in reality.. I should be myself? I know no one is perfect but I'm so scared of communicating something wrongly or get my irritation in the way and start a fight.

- I got into my first full-time job in mid-2020 (before I moved out) and I had to set up my own company so I had to learn about taxes, self-employment etc..

Basically, from an autistic person perspective, I am completely overwhelmed with these new adjustments and changes from last year.. and I still feel I am trying to catch up with the new routines and the new way of life.. from an unemployed 25-year-old girl living with parents and boyfriend, to a full-time job with flat, living with boyfriend alone and deal with bills, groceries, rent, taxes etc.

So what I'm trying to say is, I've been feeling so unprepared to adapt to the 'real world' in an autistic brain, and in general I feel more anxious, more depressive thoughts (not depression) but really.. overthinking anxiety.. and LOTS of it.

Because I had an easy life living with parents, I thought during that time I was no longer autistic anymore, but in reality, I had no real struggle. So now I'm living in a world with new reality checks, (especially following covid news and see how awful the government is..) it's difficult for me to accept the real-world living and trying to accept and find happiness and less overthinking anxiety. I used to see the world so optimistically but that's starting to become difficult to see now.

Mostly I overthink about if I'm a good enough partner for my boyfriend because he had to witness all my meltdowns constantly during these life changes.. it's been exhausting mentally for both of us.

Also I work in a 9-5, 5 days a week, and I still feel like I'm catching up, it feels mentally exhausting with life events and I need a whole week of sleep! Weekends are not enough for me, I cheer for bank holidays! 

Any advice about the stress, overthinking, anxiety, overwhelms would be great <3 thank you