I have always wondered about this as when i was really young i had selective mutism. It took some time to grow out of i just remember that feeling of not being able to put my hand up to speak in front of others. People would say why don't you talk? Feeling like i was different, i was loud at home, quiet in school.
I remember having some friends and must have grown out of it a bit but was then moved primary schools in my last year. Little things like them using print outs not books, whiteboard not blackboard i just could not adapt and was moved back to my old school. Id spend breaks just wanting to be on my own.
I asked my mum recently why did i not get any support? Apparantly they would have looked into it if my old school could not take me back
Growing up i always put difficulty socialising down to social anxiety but more recently been thinking about this more, like i went out the other night and the next day im overanalysing how it went, did i say something wrong etc? I do take some things quite literally, dont like change of plans, can be avoidant find replying to fb messages awkward like i overanalyze responses,
Over the years i have pushed myself out my comfort zone for certain things and i try and be sociable despite that difficult feeling inside, but i find it hard to maintain friendships or feel like i don't have any really close friends. Like i know a fair amount of people but not really close friendships. I think if i did have suppport when i was really young i could have adapted better rather than getting to the age i am now and feeling like i just dont really have any proper friends. In my med notes for something else i read the words possible mild aspergers and this was never followed up. In some ways i do get annoyed my parents never got how much i struggled and why i didn't get any support,
On one hand i feel there is no point in a diagnosis as everyone is wierd in some way and I understand my flaws and have worked on ways to improve what i find difficult...., but really if I was like that as a kid nowadays i reckon they have diagnosed quite quick.
I also had a wierd hobby of collecting buttons when I was a kid!!
