hi, i'm a 23 year old autistic woman new to this community. i got diagnosed at 20 and have learned a lot about autism since then. i'm currently in my first relationship (of around 6 months) with an autistic man who actually isn't diagnosed, but it's as clear as day, we have many traits in common
whether this is down to his autism or not, he's extremely unique; he doesn't judge or have opinions on shallow things like most people do, strong imagination, thinks in an intriguing way, very generous and loving at times.. but this is actually where he falls short too, and i believe it's caused by his struggles with autism
most of the time he doesn't give eye contact, doesn't respond to questions, and doesn't really behave in a "boyfriend" way. his mind is extremely neutral, which is good and makes me feel safe and comfortable, but it makes me feel lonely, as well. i'm not getting the amount of performative affection i usually hear about in relationships, he doesn't even call me babe or anything, and he doesn't seem to think about basic things that would make me happy
i.e i don't have a pillow right now because my cat threw up on the old one, and i feel like that's the kind of thing a boyfriend should offer to fix by getting me a new one, but he just acknowledges that it's not ideal, that's all.. my neck is hurting all the time and he seems ok with it? other times he'll ask if i've eaten, and because i have no money, i haven't, but he doesn't take it further and offer to cook for me or give me money? when he's not broke, i am, so he could if he wanted to. additionally he won't bother initiate anything.. i have to ask to see him, every single time. he said he would get me the perfect birthday present and ended up not getting me one at all..
(should have already mentioned that he's my neighbour, lives right across me)
which leads me to my next point of how.. he seems much more invested in himself than in me... he can sleep all day and wake up feeling no way about not seeing me or talking to me at all that day, and seen to not miss me at all while i'm asleep during the night. at this point it doesn't sound like an autism thing, but i'm trying to convince myself it is, because his good traits are excellent and rare, i want to hold onto them...
it seems worth it during times like when he worked hard to find my missing cat, or when he cuddles me very lovingly in bed, but.. usually the communication and body language is super casual/neutral as if we aren't even dating
there's so much more i could write but i'd be here forever. tl;dr my (most likely) autistic boyfriend doesn't show me enough "normal" affection and it makes me feel unwanted