Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Sorry I've been posting on here such a lot recently. I was just wondering if anyone can relate to this.
Did you find it hard to come to terms with, when you first realised you might be autistic? I haven't yet been diagnosed, but I'm becoming more and more sure that I am autistic, the more I find out about autism and recognise the signs in myself.
I'm finding that it's very hard for me to concentrate on work at the moment, and I'm just feeling upset, tense and unsettled. Also really anxious.
I don't know if this is normal or if anyone else experienced this when you were at a similar stage?
I don't know if I should try to fight it and carry on as normal, or give myself a bit of slack and try to rest a bit more when I can.
Hi! I have read this thread and my heart truly goes out to all of you.
ive only just accepted I have autism after years of knowing deep down and my ability to meet and spot autistic students immediately.
I too have tried to achieve as much as possible to hide my faults. I’m on my fourth degree this year, I can’t wait to bury myself in research and use it as an excuse not to have to socialise anymore!
I have achieved a lot because I knew I struggled but didn’t ever want a simple life. I’ve scuba dived, skied, tried surfing all to feel I can accomplish things and that I master my anxiety after reading ‘Feel the Fear and do it anyway’.
Problem is if I’ve spent too much time with people who are sad I feel wiped out. Anger wipes me out and I’ve been a single parent for ten years, so I don’t have a huge amount of energy left for a relationship.
I’m wondering if for me, accepting I’m a bookworm, who can only stay close to a few people is my life. Accepting I’ve achieved so much despite my condition and am a passionate advocate for others with additional needs is why I have this.
That being an oddity is okay because I’ve helped so many people and it’s ok to meltdown, hide and become exhausted by my obsessive train of thoughts and research because it’s just the flip side to the passion that has got me where I am?
I don’t want to be alone forever, but I just don’t think I’ve got room in my brain for someone.
Im coming to terms with autism, reminding myself when I feel fuming at an injustice or exhausted from pushing too hard so I can hide my anxiety, but struggling with what it means in terms of my love life?
it seems career wise there’s lots of support (if I can pinpoint what tips me into meltdown) but how do you find love when you’re suddenly a different person, have new explanations for ‘anxious’ thoughts and ‘odd’ behaviour.
Also fed up of being called blunt. I’m to the point and try not to waffle on which irritates me like nails on a blackboard!
Aware I’ve rambled a little bit I’m processing my own thoughts and others on this forum, forcing myself past my issue with the replies layout so I can join the cool gang.
Hello,
It's really interesting for me to read about some of your thoughts and feelings as you process this. Several of the things you say, I can relate to. For example, conflicted desires around whether or not to look for a relationship. I feel like this too. At the moment I want to try and focus on building deeper friendships, as a kind of starting point. I still don't know about a romantic relationship. When I say that I'm trying to build deeper friendships, it's not that I'm actively going out and trying to meet people; instead I am trying to put more mental energy into keeping up contact with the people I already know, and just making friendships more of a priority rather than hiding from loneliness by working all the time.
You asked how to find love when you're suddenly a different person - I'm guessing you mean in view of the fact that you now know you're autistic. Personally I'm thinking that if I ever do find love, maybe it will be with another person on the spectrum, or someone who has experience of autism, so that they wouldn't judge.
You said that you're a passionate advocate for people with additional needs. That sounds exciting - what kinds of things do you do?
You said that maybe you will need to accept that you will only be able to stay close to a few people. Maybe you will know the answer to this in time, and you don't necessarily need to resign yourself to anything just yet. I guess if you have only recently accepted that you're autistic, it might take time to see what level of social contact works best for you.
I work with the Deaf. Won’t go into detail for privacy reasons but have worked with children with issues for twenty years! Im burned out with it now though :)