Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Sorry I've been posting on here such a lot recently. I was just wondering if anyone can relate to this.
Did you find it hard to come to terms with, when you first realised you might be autistic? I haven't yet been diagnosed, but I'm becoming more and more sure that I am autistic, the more I find out about autism and recognise the signs in myself.
I'm finding that it's very hard for me to concentrate on work at the moment, and I'm just feeling upset, tense and unsettled. Also really anxious.
I don't know if this is normal or if anyone else experienced this when you were at a similar stage?
I don't know if I should try to fight it and carry on as normal, or give myself a bit of slack and try to rest a bit more when I can.
I like the thought that maybe you should rest when you can. In fact, having down-time is one key technique for managing autism.
I wonder about the benefits of the formal diagnosis, if the process is causing too much anxiety, it may not be worth it.
Be kind to yourself.
Hi Gerty, thanks so much for your reply.
Regarding down time - this is something I find difficult, as I tend to get obsessed with pursuing my special interest. But just recently I've found that I don't seem to enjoy my special interest as much, and I can't seem to focus on it, which is totally out of character for me.
I have conflicted feelings around down time. I'm a bit of a workaholic, so often feel guilty about taking time away from work. Recently I realised that from an early age I've used my achievements to try to hide my autism from people (even though I didn't realise at the time that I was autistic, I knew there was something different about me) and I got into the habit of trying to achieve in order to compensate for low self worth. For years, I hardly took any proper designated down time because I felt guilty about not achieving.
Now that I've realised I'm autistic, something has shifted and I don't seem able to lose myself in work any more. My normal coping strategy doesn't seem to work. I feel a bit lost.
Taking down time also sometimes leaves my mind too free to worry and get anxious about things. I'm going to try to find something relaxing that will not give my mind the opportunity to get into a downward spiral.
I wish I could spend time with close friends, but because of the pandemic it's difficult. I have also got into the habit of isolating myself and working rather than taking time to be with other people, and now I realise how incredibly lonely I am. Clearly things are going to have to change in my life.
Hope I'm not oversharing. Thanks for your thoughts.