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Coming to terms with realising you are probably autistic

Ultramarine

Hi,

Sorry I've been posting on here such a lot recently.  I was just wondering if anyone can relate to this.

Did you find it hard to come to terms with, when you first realised you might be autistic?  I haven't yet been diagnosed, but I'm becoming more and more sure that I am autistic, the more I find out about autism and recognise the signs in myself.

I'm finding that it's very hard for me to concentrate on work at the moment, and I'm just feeling upset, tense and unsettled.  Also really anxious.

I don't know if this is normal or if anyone else experienced this when you were at a similar stage?

I don't know if I should try to fight it and carry on as normal, or give myself a bit of slack and try to rest a bit more when I can.

Parents

  • My journey of self discovery has been going on since I realised, well, that there was an "I". I have always surrounded my self with people on the spectrum because their serenity and logic matched my own. But I would deny that I was on the spectrum because I thought autism was one thing for everyone (lack of eye contact, not knowing how people feel) and I can SEE that people are feeling things about things, i don't know why they're feeling it but I can see it, therefore I excluded myself from the label.

    I'm intelligent and over time I learnt that if I just say "I don't understand that connection you're making there but I can fix this problem you have so you can stop feeling this way" then people would perceive it more as a strength and say that they envied my point of you... that doesn't help with the bonding process though.

    It was only yesterday, when the thought of losing someone precious to me, forced me to evaluate myself through others' eye. And it struck me, I am on the spectrum. And i wept... HARD. Things just started making sense. childhood memories locked away entitled "painful and incalculable" come rushing to the surface and began filing into the right places. I feel good now.

    So maybe your journey will come to a climax and everything will fit into place, or maybe your journey is different. There is a passage that resonated with my situation "Self diagnosis or self-identification is achieved through the hard work of figuring out who you are. It doesn’t tend to happen in a vacuum but off the back of a traumatic or stressful event that has blown apart your coping mechanisms. So you’re dealing with the fallout of that as well. When you manage to work through it all, that’s when the growth happens. No-one else can do that for you and it’s something to be proud of."

    I dont think i can say more than that. hope this helps.

  • in reply to Stephen
    Stephen said:
    It was only yesterday, when the thought of losing someone precious to me
    the only way i can think of how you can lose someone is if they die.

    if you lose a person just because of the way you or, by them rejecting your personality..... then you never had them in the first place.

    if you truly have a person, then only death can break your bond.
  • in reply to Caelus

    Thank you, Caelus. It is not how I perceive things because I think it's a bit more complicated, but I appreciate the input and the poetry of it. 

    For us, maybe, the bond never goes away. I resonate with that. But to "NT's"... I don't know. The bonding for them seems to happen naturally but they don't seem to place as much importance on it, like it can be dismissed far more easily than we can let it go. From my experience.

  • in reply to Stephen

    Wow, your thread has really hit an identifier there with me!!! Yes! I would go out of my way to help a true friend, I really mean pull out all the stops to help or get to them in time of need! Yet they have other "friends" but thy always seem too busy, or the situation makes them uncomfortable, or some other reason, but the maintain they are good friends?? This I dont understand.. You have just brought this to the fore for me.. In a GOOD way! Another realisation for me.. Thank You both!

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  • in reply to Stephen

    Wow, your thread has really hit an identifier there with me!!! Yes! I would go out of my way to help a true friend, I really mean pull out all the stops to help or get to them in time of need! Yet they have other "friends" but thy always seem too busy, or the situation makes them uncomfortable, or some other reason, but the maintain they are good friends?? This I dont understand.. You have just brought this to the fore for me.. In a GOOD way! Another realisation for me.. Thank You both!

Children