Hi Everyone, I'm looking for some advice as I have recently been diagnosed with ASD and if I'm honest, my partner of 3 years is finding it difficult to adjust to having a partner with diagnosed Autism.
It's a strange one because I didn't know I had Autism when we initially met and although there have been issues (for example, me not being able to 'handle' arguments / shouting) and having some difficulty communicating thought processes / intentions for certain things, on the whole I felt that we have a typical relationship.
Based on talks we have had since my diagnosis a few weeks ago, I think that they are struggling with the fact that now I have been diagnosed, they know that the difficulties won't ever "go away" and also, I think on some level they are struggling to see me as the same person I was before the diagnosis and now having an "Autistic girlfriend" as opposed to just a "girlfriend". There are also some difficulties around me coming across in a childlike manner sometimes as I must admit, in social situations (especially relationships), I can be quite naïve to certain things and I know it can be difficult to sexualise someone or be sexually/ romantically attractive to someone coming across in this way - not that I am meaning to but I know they are now struggling with this.
Another thing that has been mentioned is that I seem "more autistic" now that before my diagnosis however this could just be that more things are being noticed and are being given a label which has made them appear more prominent as I don't feel I have changed as a person. This is quite... upsetting for me as I can for the most part understand where my partner is coming from however I am also facing the fact that things I work really hard to manage on a day to day will never get easier because I can't change my brain.
I understand that this wasn't the outcome they were hoping for as initially I went to be assessed for Dyspraxia and it turned out that I have both.
If I'm honest, it's making me regret getting a diagnosis and is making me just dislike myself more - I really want my relationship to work but I don't even know where to start because I feel like me just essentially being is annoying to them now all because of the diagnosis and I just feel guilty. Unfortunately it's made me feel as though I need to just be quiet all of the time so I don't say the wrong thing, or as though if I flirt / banter like I usually would with them, they will just cringe and see the ASD and not me as a person? I know this all may sound very offensive and I can only apologise if it does as that is not at all my intention.
I just want to know what I can do to help them see me as ME again and not my Autism and also how to see myself that way again too?
Any help or advice would be brilliant.
