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Telling people

Deleted User

I was diagnosed earlier this year. I've told most people I know and have come to realise it doesn't actually change much, and also people don't know what to do with this information anyway. The people who I haven't told are my partner's family and these are often the people who I have the most "difficulty" with. When I say difficulties, they would never know because I mask well. Altho I can't tell if they ever have thought I'm a bit out of step.

We spent a few hours together today having a meal. This is the first time anything like this has happened with us together since my diagnosis (due to Covid restrictions). I've got a pretty good understanding of it all now and how it affects me although I do find it difficult to actually explain it. 

I want to tell them, but not sure what good it'll do. I'm not bothered about judgements but even if my partner told them, I think I'd be asked when I next see them how it affects me. Mum and dad are a bit old school but would be accepting, and another family member works in SEN. If i tell them, it's not going to stop people having multiple conversations or stop background noise from distracting me for example. Although I feel it'd take the pressure off me having to mask bit.

I just want people to know how difficult seemingly ordinary interactions are. But that means I have to explain which I find difficult and I know it wouldn't change anything cos I've "got by" for so long, people still expect that of me.  So I joined in with today and have built in recovery time. What more can I do.

  • I admit, I haven't watched this video-but I trust her content 100%. Maybe this will be helpful to you.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I can also ‘perform’ in front of a class but that’s because I know my materials (I’ve spent weeks crafting my own presentations), I love my topic, I know I am imparting knowledge and equipping people with techniques. Put me in a room full of ‘important looking people’ I become a mute jellyfish skirting round the edge of the room, hoping no-one will ask me a question because I’ll stumble over my words and come out with a load of gibberish which will make me cringe for the next decade.

    Speaking socially to in-laws would wear me out too: I have nothing in common with them and would be masking the whole time: utterly exhausting. Why, why, why do people have to talk sooo much?

    I thank my lucky stars everyday that my other half has fallen out with most of his family so I have a free pass from that torture for the foreseeable. They were mostly ignorant and insensitive people so frankly I wouldn’t have even bothered trying to explain to them even if we were still on speaking terms…

    If you are not sure whether to proceed, then don’t. The time will come when you feel clearer on who you want to share with and who you don’t.

  • meh i wouldnt tell anyone unless they asked or it came up naturally. but then again im not very social and consider it to be of no ones business. people can probably tell im a bit weird in some way anyway lol

  • I also questioning my diagnosis and wondering if it's social anxiety. But that doesn't factor in other stuff like executive function difficulties. Altho they could exist separately.

    I was reading if it's social anxiety, this anxiety can bring on difficulties. If it's AS that comes first and the difficulties can bring on anxiety. It's all a bit messed up in my head at the moment.  But then I'm wondering why is it so important to me to know who I am?

    How I felt after a couple of hours today....like my brain was scrambled. I can teach groups of adults two classes in a day and not feel like this. Which is why I don't think social anxiety is the cause but it is in fact AS.