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What helped you while waiting for an assessment?

Ultramarine

Hello,

I was just wondering if anyone can relate to the following things and if so, what helped you?


I'm currently waiting to hear whether my GP can refer me to the Lorna Wing Centre for an adult assessment.  If/when I confirm funding, the waiting list will be at least 5 or 6 months.  I'm a 38 year old woman.  I introduced myself recently on this forum and was overwhelmed by how kind and supportive the people on this forum are.  I feel glad to have found this community.

Because I'm relatively 'high functioning', I didn't suspect that I had autism until a few years ago, even though I knew something was wrong, and it's only now that I've plucked up the courage to have an assessment. Since finding out about autism, I'm becoming more and more sure that I am, and I have a friend who has an autistic son and they say that they are 100% sure that I am.

Did anyone else find the waiting period and the uncertainty difficult?  If so, what helped you?
I have some days where I feel sure that I'm autistic, and I feel relieved to have found the root of my problems and to know that they're not my fault.  I feel more accepting of myself than ever, because I know the reasons why I get anxious and struggle to talk around people.

Other times though, I find myself feeling like a fraud because I can function relatively well.  I wonder if I'm actually neurotypical and if so, I'm back to square one and I don't know the cause of my issues.   Does that make any sense?  Please don't get me wrong, I am grateful that although I have several difficulties, my problem isn't as debilitating as it could be, and I know many people struggle with day to day life much more.  But because I'm on the borderline, it makes it difficult to feel sure about whether I am autistic, and I feel that I can't accept myself and get used to who I am until I know for sure.

Can anyone relate to this and if so, what helped you?

Parents

  • I'm on a waiting list now. I did get a lot of doubts early on and thinking I was a fraud because I am high functioning. In fact for a few months I wasn't convinced myself. I kept alternating between feeling like a fraud and having a new understanding of myself. I'm my own harshest critic. I've always blamed myself for my inabilities to be like everyone else and spent immense amounts of effort trying to be normal.

    But in typical autistic fashion I spent months reading absolutely everything there is about autism, all of the research, watching endless lectures, studying all the diagnostic criteria, etc. It actually explains everything I've experienced in my entire life so perfectly that I'm now at the point where I don't have any doubts.

    You could try reading other people's stories and watching autistic YouTubers who were diagnosed as adults and see how much you relate. Even if you are borderline, that doesn't mean you don't have struggles and you might be expending a lot of effort on masking.

  • in reply to Untoward

    Hi Untoward,
    Thanks for your message, and I'm really glad that you found clarity for yourself.  I have been doing similar things - reading about autism, listening to talks and so on.  I'm becoming more and more sure that I am, but what I think I fear is being sure and then having a negative diagnosis.  Perhaps I should just think 'I will cross that bridge when I come to it'.  Maybe even if I am diagnosed not autistic, I can still use some coping mechanisms that autistic people use.  If they are relevant to me then why not.  I think above all though I would just feel ashamed if I was neurotypical but not functioning as I should be.  It would feel like my difficulties are all my fault.  But I will try not to think about that because I don't know yet.

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  • in reply to Untoward

    Hi Untoward,
    Thanks for your message, and I'm really glad that you found clarity for yourself.  I have been doing similar things - reading about autism, listening to talks and so on.  I'm becoming more and more sure that I am, but what I think I fear is being sure and then having a negative diagnosis.  Perhaps I should just think 'I will cross that bridge when I come to it'.  Maybe even if I am diagnosed not autistic, I can still use some coping mechanisms that autistic people use.  If they are relevant to me then why not.  I think above all though I would just feel ashamed if I was neurotypical but not functioning as I should be.  It would feel like my difficulties are all my fault.  But I will try not to think about that because I don't know yet.

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