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Getting a diagnosis asa a woman who masks by default

Cat

Does anyone who masks most of the time have any experience of getting a diagnosis? 

My daughter was diagnosed 5 years ago and 2 psychologists at the time suggested that I’m also autistic  Since then, I’ve read loads and realised that I am, which makes sense to my husband and family too. I now want to get a formal diagnosis but am worried that I’m so used to masking and relying on scripts and with anyone not immediate family, that whoever assesses me will miss it. Im 51 and a woman who works as a journalist so I’m used to talking to strangers and have developed all sort of strategies for hiding who I really am.

I’m just worried I’ll be told I don’t present as autistic so am wondering how to get an assessment with someone who understands and can see beyond sophisticated masking techniques that I’ve developed over decades. 

thanks 

Parents

  • Thanks all. I can relate to your beer theory Michelle. I can maintain and turn ‘on’ to do what I need to do (mostly) but it’s exhausting and doing it for too long means I end up struggling to even do basics or just shut down (I become physically unable to speak, even at work or with people I know well, or it can be like my senses start to blur and I can’t see or hear properly, it’s like I’m in a vacuum and the room is spinning).

    I also have meltdowns when I’m exhausted by it and find it very hard to control my temper or regulate my responses as I normally would. I’ve hurt myself when that happens and get scared by the total loss of control, especially when it’s triggered by a seemingly little thing like my husband interrupting my bedtime routine.

    I manage at work by controlling my environment and limiting my exposure to people and input (before Covid, I would book meeting rooms to avoid seeing people and make sure I wasn’t disturbed by noise, lights or smells, and even then I’d still use headphones).

    When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I go into our downstairs coat cupboard and lie in the dark in a nest I’ve created (and which no one else knows about) 

    i don’t socialise, though I’ve learned enough scripts to do it if I have to. The anxiety doesn’t go away, though, and I often spend time hiding in the bathroom or just make excuses to leave.

    I guess I feel like I have a split personality and am so used to behaving a certain way in public that I honestly don’t know how to reveal who I really am inside and feel like I’ve been hiding. 

  • in reply to Cat

    Oh this is ABSOLUTELY fantastic!  

    I feel all of the above tho- how exactly do you have an escape nest under the stairs no one knows about!? Amazing. 

    I grew up in the states, have tried numerous times to get help and no one seemed to know a thing about autism tho my mother asked if I had Aspbergers (we’re not close) and I was livid she thought I had enough money to get help. 

    I have had lessons and disciplinary training in all kinds of things which helped me camouflage my way through life (until I kept getting let go from jobs). Ballet, gymnastics, geometry (my distance, navigation and calculation are rather exacting), Logic!! And various acting/improv and yoga classes.

    apparently I come across “intelligent enough” to be able to “figure it out” Rolling eyes So I’ve been told. 

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  • in reply to Cat

    Oh this is ABSOLUTELY fantastic!  

    I feel all of the above tho- how exactly do you have an escape nest under the stairs no one knows about!? Amazing. 

    I grew up in the states, have tried numerous times to get help and no one seemed to know a thing about autism tho my mother asked if I had Aspbergers (we’re not close) and I was livid she thought I had enough money to get help. 

    I have had lessons and disciplinary training in all kinds of things which helped me camouflage my way through life (until I kept getting let go from jobs). Ballet, gymnastics, geometry (my distance, navigation and calculation are rather exacting), Logic!! And various acting/improv and yoga classes.

    apparently I come across “intelligent enough” to be able to “figure it out” Rolling eyes So I’ve been told. 

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