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Am I being manipulated by my partner, or am I just paranoid? Any self development courses available for adults with autism, not just parents?

NAS65540

Hi everyone, I would really appreciate some guidance please. I'll try to be as clear as possible, but as I find it hard to describe what I'm experiencing, please be patient with me. I'm happy to clarify anything, as well as answering any questions, so I can discern whether or not my partner is manipulating me, or whether I'm paranoid, as behaviours are subtle, so difficult to explain or be sure either way. I could also be projecting my imagination onto my partner. I may have a mental health issue that's not yet been diagnosed. I'm 42 years old. I was diagnosed with autism 6 months ago, as well as MS by other specialist, plus ADHD 5 months ago.

I have mixed feelings about my partner. I'm gay and have been in a relationship with him for nearly 2.5 years. We have lived together for 1 year. He isn't proactive re house work, so I feel burdened by having to be the proactive one. However, he has taken the initiative on a few occasions, although not enough imo. He says that he doesn't always notice dirt, the opposite of me, as can be obsessive at times re cleaning.

I also have different feelings on different days regarding how close I feel to him, or if I feel close to him at all, or whether or not I should trust him. I'm not sure if this is potentially due to emotional detachment. It's so hard to tell whether or not I have a mental health condition. I'm trying to get referred for an assessment, but I keep being directed to autism support. Are doctors right? Are all my difficulties related to autism? Or are they wrongly assuming that I don't have mental issues related to a potential lack of development in my brain? It's so hard to get an objective mental health assessment by a psychologist who understands autism+mental health issues

I have always found it difficult to trust people, even those close to me. I don't know the reason why. How do I learn who is trustworthy or not? Especially as I don't know how to listen to or trust my feelings? I feel as if I've been given an impossible task of knowing if people are trustworthy or not.

I need more self development either way. Do autism society offer self development for adults with autism, especially emotionally or psychologically, to help manage life better? 

Does anyone have any advice, information, or guidance for me, please? I'm really struggling to know what I need to do. 

Thank you in advance. Kind regards, Anthony Dimambro 

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  • Hi Anthony. I understand the house work thing. I have a husband who cannot see dirt.

    Yes, it is difficult to get mental health and autism expertise together. The two disciplines don't seem to know much about eachother. This is disappointing because people with ASC are more likely to have mental health problems.

    What you describe does sound more like ASC than a mental health problem and it could be that you just need to understand your condition better. 

    But you seem to have been through a lot if you've also had a diagnosis for MS too. It wouldn't be uncommon to experience anxiety or depression under those circumstances. It may be that you also need support with this.

    I must stress none of us here are mental health professionals and can't safely say much to reassure you one way or the other. But, if you think there is a possibility you may have a mental health issue on top of the autism, yet find it difficult to express, why not write to your GP? List what you are experiencing and ask for that to be checked out by some one who is able to tease apart issues to do with mental health and issues to do with autism.

  • in reply to Dawn

    Oh, as for the courses. I believe MIND run some, if there is a branch in your area. I'm wait for one myself. Your GP might be able to refer you.

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