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Not too sure how to approach this - Don't have anyone to ask

O

Hey everyone haven't been active on here just because of all the drama hope everyone has calmed down now.

I want to just say this to somebody but I don't really have anyone to ask so I thought I'd make a post on here.

I've always loved motorbikes and as I'm getting older I find myself wanting one more and more, but the issue is my entire family are so anti motorbike it's ridiculous. I've tried to bring it up in the past in a jokey kind of way but they all just say the same thing "if you get one of those death traps I will smash it up myself" blah blah blah.

I'm still living at home I have a car but it's quite expensive and now that I'm not doing 140 mile journeys all the time since I split with my ex the cost of the car is getting kind of unnecessary and I would rather not pay for it. I could do my CBT and get all the tests done and I'll be able to get a nice bike that won't cost me £340 a month like how my car is currently.

I just don't know how to bring this up with my mum mainly because it will just turn into an argument and all she'll go on about is the fact that my step dad had a friend that died on a bike a couple years ago. But if I say yeah well I wont ride like a d!ick like he did, (because that's what got him killed he was doing motorway speeds in urban area and broadsided a car).

It's also a bit deeper than the fact I "just want a bike" I have lived my life trying to do the things that I think everyone will approve of and not always doing what I want to do. And seeing bikes just seems so freeing a stress relieving being in the open air like that. 

  • in reply to O

    It's not easy. Especially when you care what other people think and feel. You obviously don't want to cause any upset. 

    Like you, I had to face remarks that, while perhaps were based on love and protection, were still very hurtful. 

    The choice of how to proceed, and how quickly to make the changes you want, is up to you. Only you know how much conflict you are willing to endure. But, I found the gradual steps to be the easiest. And in hindsight, I was young and there really was lots of time ahead of me. In my early twenties it felt like my life was slipping away, but now I see I had more time than I thought, and I could have slowed down and enjoyed things a bit more. 

    The important thing, in my view, is that you do move forward in some kind of steps. Stagnation is no way to live, at any age. 

  • Don't know what advice I can give other than to say I've been riding since i was 17 so 42 years now, I'm an advanced motorcyclist maybe you could bring that up that you would increase your skills, she may like that?

  • in reply to JohnnyBeGood

    Well that's what I'm trying to do I started doing this software development course so I can build a life for myself and once i get a job I can get my own place and that's also another reason why I keep thinking I want a bike because my car is an expense I'd rather not have when I have to start paying for my own mortgage along with bills and everything else. Bikes are cheaper to buy and run and I don't have a need for a car really I don't have my own family and when do find work It'll be the only place that I'll be travelling too and when the weather is too bad I can just get the train.

  • I had an over protective mother when I was a teen and even up into my early twenties. I constantly gave in and gave up on the things I wanted to do, until I finally accepted that I was an adult now. 

    But I didn't want to create conflict, so I started claiming my independence gradually. In small ways here and there, never resorting to becoming confrontational, until she reluctantly accepted that her baby boy had grown up. 

    I still never got around to doing some of the things I wanted to do, but their importance become lesser to me. I did other things that were more important for that stage in my life.