Traits developing over time

hi everyone,

I was diagnosed just a few days ago, after years of essentially identifying as autistic, but not being taken seriously. I hoped and expected it to come as a relief, and initially it did – but very soon the doubt crept in. According to my mum, I displayed almost none of the traits I display now when I was a child – They seem to have developed and intensified over time, like a gradual process of unmasking rather than one of slowly learning to mask. I had something of a meltdown this morning, after thinking about the possibility of my diagnosis being inaccurate, and wondering what else could explain all the layers of experience that lead me to seek a diagnosis in the first place. This has been going through my mind very obsessively over the last few days. I wonder if anyone else has experience of traits developing over time, or if anyone else’s traits were more hidden when they were younger? Also, for background, the diagnostic process was probably complicated by the fact I was assigned female at birth, and by my also being blind, and whilst of course I trust the psychiatrists professional judgement, I’m not sure she was an expert in either of these aspects of experience and their possible intersections and interplays with autism. Any thoughts would be much appreciated. Many thanks in advance.

Parents
  • I've heard it's common for people to experience 'imposter syndrome' even after diagnosis. If you thought you were autistic and you've now been diagnosed, then it's highly likely you're autistic. I hope you manage to internalise it in time. :)

  • Thank you so much :-) yes, that’s exactly what I’m experiencing – I feel like an incomplete/invalid autistic person, or someone who is borderline neurotypical, after years of essentially being self diagnosed… Thank you, it’s really good to hear that there is some solidarity with this, and I hope anyone else who is felt like this can move beyond it as well.

Reply
  • Thank you so much :-) yes, that’s exactly what I’m experiencing – I feel like an incomplete/invalid autistic person, or someone who is borderline neurotypical, after years of essentially being self diagnosed… Thank you, it’s really good to hear that there is some solidarity with this, and I hope anyone else who is felt like this can move beyond it as well.

Children
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