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Beginning to feel terrified

Liv

Hello,

I am new to this forum and I just wondered if any other Aspies feel the same way.

I'm a 16 year old girl who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in November, and one of the major motivations behind getting my diagnosis was so that I may receive some help for the intense feelings of anxiety I experience. However, I have not received any help so I was wondering if, by putting a message on here, I may receive some knowledge that I'm not alone.

I have suffered with anxiety all my life. My anxiety often shows up in the form of irrational fears such as of illness when in fact I have no health issues, my parents dying suddenly when I know that there is but a miniscule chance of this - and though I know the fears are irrational, I cannot be reassured by anyone, even my parents who I trust. I also do not prioritise my fears correctly. For example, I will worry about a random matter such as dying of a brain tumour having had no symptoms, but not give a second thought to my GCSE exams which are taking place in three short months. Reading this almost makes me laugh and I'm thinking, "People will read this and think you're an idiot," but no problem is unique. I'm hoping someone out there shares my experiences.

Recently, my anxiety was uncomfortable to live with but bearable. However, it has seems to have taken a turn for the worse. I constantly check on the whereabouts of my family even when I know they are safe in the house, ask for constant reassurance which I know I won't believe and "meltdown" more or less every day. I am constantly terrified and this is impacting upon my relationship with food - I often eat as a way to deal with negative emotions - and my sleep pattern. Going to bed is the most difficult time of the day for me as my thoughts seem to swirl around in the darkness and taunt me. My life has taken on a new bleakness - I didn't have much in my life to start with but I'd rather live a lonely life than one of constant fear.

I'm really not sure where to turn next. I'm hoping all this is normal for Aspies, I'm sure it is, and that's what I want to hear. Dealing with it comes later. I just don't want to be alone anymore.

Thanks for reading,

Liv

Parents

  • Hello Liv and hope

    You are both Deffinatly not alone. I am 17, female diagnosed Autim Spectrum Disorder. When I was diagnosed I was 15 years 11 months old. Then, next thing I know I am 16 and no-one cares. With diagnosis came a list of things I need (like therapys, and teaching life skills). But their are silly rules that means that I can now suddenly do all these things because I am 16 and I will never get these things that I need. 

    I have problems with anxiety too. Not with my health like you but I get scared going places-even places that I know well. The only place I feel okay is my bedroom because It it is very tidy and everything can be in exactly the right place. If I am out and a table has been moved or I have a different chair that is enough to make me very upset. 

    But my main problem is offline communication. My reading and typing are good (unless people use text speak, or bad fonts, or similies/metaphores etc) so online I am okay. But offline I have problems. I get very scared very easily and then I simply can not speak. I have no other way to communicate so I am often stuck unable to say what I think or how I feel. If I go and visit somewhere new even being asked my name, I can not answer. People just ignore me becaue I am so stupid I can not say my own name, or that is what they assume. 

    Like both of you a 'late' diagnosis means I will never get all the support I should have got as a child, like speach and language therapy, life skills, independant living skills and whatever else their was. 

    But, just to tell you that you are deffinatly not alone. If you want something bad enough then fight for it. Fight and fight and even when you can no longer fight keep fighting. Think of all the reasons why you ever started to fight for it. Like me. I am fighting for respite care. It is not what I wanted but I have now been assessed by a service to give me a weekend away once a month. I am hoping to start it soon though. As with everything they are limited by age. When I am 18 in January the funding will stop because it will be funded by childrens social work service even though the service it is with goes to adult. So I will have to fight adult social services to fund it. 

    I think life with autism is all about fighting. It is about standing up for the things you need. All people with autism have to do it, or have parents to do it for their child. If you stop fighting things then you lose everything. So please, if you take anything from this then let it be that you will never give up.
    Amy 

Reply

  • Hello Liv and hope

    You are both Deffinatly not alone. I am 17, female diagnosed Autim Spectrum Disorder. When I was diagnosed I was 15 years 11 months old. Then, next thing I know I am 16 and no-one cares. With diagnosis came a list of things I need (like therapys, and teaching life skills). But their are silly rules that means that I can now suddenly do all these things because I am 16 and I will never get these things that I need. 

    I have problems with anxiety too. Not with my health like you but I get scared going places-even places that I know well. The only place I feel okay is my bedroom because It it is very tidy and everything can be in exactly the right place. If I am out and a table has been moved or I have a different chair that is enough to make me very upset. 

    But my main problem is offline communication. My reading and typing are good (unless people use text speak, or bad fonts, or similies/metaphores etc) so online I am okay. But offline I have problems. I get very scared very easily and then I simply can not speak. I have no other way to communicate so I am often stuck unable to say what I think or how I feel. If I go and visit somewhere new even being asked my name, I can not answer. People just ignore me becaue I am so stupid I can not say my own name, or that is what they assume. 

    Like both of you a 'late' diagnosis means I will never get all the support I should have got as a child, like speach and language therapy, life skills, independant living skills and whatever else their was. 

    But, just to tell you that you are deffinatly not alone. If you want something bad enough then fight for it. Fight and fight and even when you can no longer fight keep fighting. Think of all the reasons why you ever started to fight for it. Like me. I am fighting for respite care. It is not what I wanted but I have now been assessed by a service to give me a weekend away once a month. I am hoping to start it soon though. As with everything they are limited by age. When I am 18 in January the funding will stop because it will be funded by childrens social work service even though the service it is with goes to adult. So I will have to fight adult social services to fund it. 

    I think life with autism is all about fighting. It is about standing up for the things you need. All people with autism have to do it, or have parents to do it for their child. If you stop fighting things then you lose everything. So please, if you take anything from this then let it be that you will never give up.
    Amy 

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