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where do i go from here..

wmv

hi, new user here, I haven't had much luck with forums before, hoping this time it will be different.

I am a 24, soon-to-be, 25, year old man with autism, dyspraxia and possible dyscalculia. I'm from England.

I've been a computer addict for as long as I can remember and it was only just recently that I finally started to outgrow it and decided to fix my life.
I tried to kick the habit for years, I made some progress but it was never permanent and I would always fall back under.

The problem is I have been in receipt of DLA and ESA ever since I was 16? All because I was heavily addicted to the computer and I constantly turned down work and college opportunities after I left school. In the end, I was put on benefits but I believe I am capable of so much more and do not want it to be this way.


Now here's the thing, many people would dream for an early retirement but not me, I actually want something to make something with my life. I'm so unbelievably bored and feel so worthless right now. I literally just sit on the sofa all day now thinking about how life could have been different and waiting to hear good news but it never comes... You see,


Pretty much all of my social relationships were online since I left school, except for my small family. Unfortunately, these online relationships were holding me back so I had no choice but to cut contacts with them and ever since then I have become really sad and lonely. My plan was to go to college and make real life friends but at age 25, this was not going to be easy. I looked into specialist colleges as an alternative, enquired in a couple, was really excited because this really appealed to me but then received the news that in order to attend specialist colleges you have to be on EHCP, which is ceased after 25. I was really put down after this... If only I had kicked this habit years ago at age 18 after I finished school, or even 20, then I might have been fine. I never made this much effort before and now that I have, nothing is going how I wanted it to ! I really feel like this is my last chance at life, what do I do?

The only person I had to talk to online about my life, got fed up with me and cut contacts with me.
Now I have no one to talk to and I feel like I'm about to fall into depression.

I know what I want to do I just don't know how I'm going to achieve it.

I could have written this a bit better but my current mood isn't allowing me to.

Ask me anything you want.

Thanks..

Parents

  • wmv,

    You're worth just as much as anyone else, you are not worthless

    You don't want to be emotionally beating yourself up, that's the first thing to know otherwise you'll lose clarity in thinking.

    Acknowledge and try to accept your past is not part of your present life, try not to become fixated on predictions about your future, predictions about our future can make things harder, especially if we're feeling down, try not to expect too much from yourself, only set goals you're ready to reach.

    Look at what you have done, you recognized you were being held back by your computer, once you did so you cut off your online contacts (another wise choice), you're desiring to have friends in person. These few actions alone have made you progress, progression is not something to be sad about. 

    Try and let go of all the illusions, concepts and expectations that the majority places before people. The ages you've mentioned, these are some of the illusions the public sets, let go of ideas like by the age of 30 someone should have a job.

    Our desires won't always occur at the times we expect, I'm 30 and have never had a career so I look at other things I can do now even if they seem useless, having a career isn't the same as making a life, if the career is something you enjoy it's worth it as life is to be enjoyed.

    Like you were on your computer for so long I've spent all my time living alone learning about autism and looking for things out of college to do in my life. Learning things outside of the education system independently or with private tuition is another route to a life. The things I learnt that seemed useless unexpectedly became useful and made me able to help others, like I can teach parents how to understand their autistic children and what they can do to help.

    Allow life to unfold itself and remember that worth, value, joy, life is not determined by what is the majority. The joy we feel in our lives has very little to do with the circumstances of our lives, but everything to do with the focus of our lives. Be careful what you choose to focus on.

  • in reply to Daniel

    This was really eye opening! In particular this,

    "The things I learnt that seemed useless unexpectedly became useful and made me able to help others, like I can teach parents how to understand their autistic children and what they can do to help."

    I do have things that I am good at and I have been told so. I'm just not quite sure how to get to where I want to be, that is the issue.

    For example I do video editing actively which I really enjoy but it's never taken off, the biggest I got was editing for a small gaming community (1K+ members).

    Perhaps I just need to keep working with it and in time, it will come.

    Thank you.


Reply
  • in reply to Daniel

    This was really eye opening! In particular this,

    "The things I learnt that seemed useless unexpectedly became useful and made me able to help others, like I can teach parents how to understand their autistic children and what they can do to help."

    I do have things that I am good at and I have been told so. I'm just not quite sure how to get to where I want to be, that is the issue.

    For example I do video editing actively which I really enjoy but it's never taken off, the biggest I got was editing for a small gaming community (1K+ members).

    Perhaps I just need to keep working with it and in time, it will come.

    Thank you.


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