Hello Everyone
I’m really not sure if I belong here but I’m thankful for you letting me in. I’m a middle aged female, without diagnosis but have always felt a bit different.
I have found some things mention in Love on The Spectrum that resonated with me, but honestly I just don’t know if that’s me thinking too much into something. I wondered if you might humour me and give me some thoughts, because at this point I don’t know if I’ve just created this thing in my head.
I don’t suffer from classic anxiety, but I am very much predisposed to overthinking and ruminating. I can move a worry over and over in my head and revisit it time and time again. I have antidepressants which help a lot
I don’t have one of those obsessive things in my life, but anything I do do, I throw myself at and go above and beyond- examples, spending hours pulling clover out of my lawn, working on DIY projects until the wee hours of the morning and feeling pulled back to the task whenever possible. General overthinking of detail in anything creative that I do.
I was once married, I am no longer. I’m happy being single (grown children). Everyone seems to think that I need a someone to be happy. I absolutely don’t feel that way.
im not great at being with people who want to talk a lot. Working in an office, if someone comes in and makes general chat,I’m ok,but after a while I would like to be able to stop them mid sentence and say ‘please stop talking now, I’ve had enough’ ... I don’t actually do this but I’d like too! I do often wear headphones at my desk to block out the noise when people are especially loud and excitable. I’ve been working from home for a year due to Covid and haven’t needed headphones once, unless I’m in the garden and don’t want to hear the neighbours music. I hate having to make the occasional visit to the office now, although it’s empty, I just don’t like bumping into others in the building and having to make pleasant talk!
I don’t like going to work functions, no one gets it. It’s not that it makes me anxious as such, I just don’t like it. I’ve managed to make excuses to get out of most things, even weddings! And yet most people would describe as a good listener and easy going. I’m not fond on physical contact, I’m a bit rigid if my mum squeezes my hand. Exception to this is my children, who I would happily hug forever.
I really dislike answering my phone to calls, even if it’s my lovely mum calling. I also tend not to answer the door if someone knocks. I’m ok with eye contact I think, but my inside boils when I have to listen to repetitive noises that are created by someone else (faint noise of music from neighbours, car alarms, noisy eating, texting tones, scraping of plates)
My mum would tell you that I was a socially awkward little girl. I struggled with friends, was quite solitary, wet the bed far later than I should have, wrote my letters from the top until retaught. I was prone to being bullied. I would happily collect bits of old china from my grandparents garden for hours, eat orange segments by eating the outer pith first, draw and colour for hours. I did better as an older school child, small group of friends. I’m academically very average!
i don’t think I have any unusual hobbies, I’m prone to skin picking, I did that from a young age.
I don’t have friends in my life really although I adore my adult children who still live at home. My ex is very friendly with me and ‘gets’ me. We can sit in the same car and not talk for an hour and it’ll be ok with him.
if ever be dare mention anything spectrum related to anyone they have brushed it off very quickly- that I’m just not the type of person.
When I read it back it really doesn’t sound much. So is this just me, or is this just me me but generated by a something.
I would welcome any thoughts please. I’d really just like to know one way or another (not that I’m expecting that from you) and I’d be cool with either, so that I can accept it instead of thinking it over and wondering all the time!
Thank you for reading my ramble!
