Hello everyone,
I really don't know how to start this off, but I think I may be Autistic. I'm 38 and I suppose I've always known my brain doesn't work like other peoples and recently started to see that I share many traits with someone who would be considered Autistic. I've always thought of myself as "normal" but deep down I know I’ve been in denial with the person I am in real life not being the same person I am in my head - if that makes sense?
Recently, I watched a video on YouTube of a girl of similar age who'd come to the same realisation and was diagnosed with Autism. Her experiences leading up to this pretty much described my entire life. This lead me onto many other videos of other people in adulthood who come to same conclusion and I couldn’t help but sit nodding along whilst welling up with tears. I was all of a sudden able to recall many instances throughout my life that just now made sense. Like a switch had been flipped. I then went on to complete the Cohen(?) test and got a score of 31 saying I was within the Asperger bracket.
So now I want to arrange an appointment with my GP to discuss further and hopefully be referred for a diagnosis. But this scares me. It’s an enormous step and something I’m keeping private from my wife, daughter and work. I’ve googled “GP refusing to refer for Autism diagnosis” and the results fill me with dread. Many people seem to have issues getting past this point and are then stuck in a lengthy battle. I just don’t know if I can do it, I hate confrontation, can never properly articulate my points when put on the spot and I certainly can’t afford a private diagnosis either.
I’ve read the NHS guidance advising to make a list of the reasons why I believe I am Autistic for when I see my GP, but is there anything else I should do or anything I can arm myself with if I face any obstacles? I have a lot of "what ifs" going around in my head at the moment, like "what if my GP doesn't believe me?" "what if I can't even get an appointment?" (my practice is operating on a first come first served on the day system, but you have to ring at 8:30am... which again worries me that at 8:31 all the appointments will be gone and I'll never get one).
My head is a bit fried at the moment because the way I see it is that it should be a straightforward pain free process.
I don't even want anything out of this, just the peace of mind would be enough right now
Thank you 
