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Should I give a tip-sheet to colleagues?

rox4brains

I just tried an experiment today that I hope will make my work life easier and more productive, but could actually end up causing me more problems. I was only diagnosed a year ago (I'm female and 53) and so am new to "coming out" about my autism. I do tend to tell people now, but find that doesn't really make any difference, because it's too vague. There's no concrete explanation of what autism means in my case.

Anyway, at the end of an e-mail to two colleagues, I included the text highlighted below. I wondered whether anyone else had tried something like this, whether it worked, and whether there were any unfortunate consequences!

Thanks!

One last thing. Since we’re going to be working together closely, I thought I’d just give you a few tips on working with me (and my version of autism/aspergers… everyone is different!) that might help you and stop you feeling frustrated.
  • Be direct. I don’t pick up on social cues very well and can be very poor at reading between the lines (at least when speaking… I’m much better in writing!) Don’t expect me to understand something that you haven’t explicitly said.
  • If I’m talking too much (almost always!) or being irrelevant, just attract my attention, make clear that you have something to say (or want to move on), and I will make sure to stop talking and listen.
  • It sometimes takes me a while to process information. If we’re having a disagreement, this may come across as me not listening or ignoring a point you have made. The truth is, I do listen and I do change my mind, it just may take several minutes (or longer).
  • I don’t mind being overruled, but what really makes me anxious is when people are personally offended that I disagreed with them in the first place. I won’t hold a grudge, but I also need to know that you won’t.
  • One of the things that people find most frustrating about me is that I find it hard to trust things I don’t understand. Some people take this as disrespect: that I don’t trust them enough to just believe them. It really isn’t that. It’s just that my brain can’t use information I don’t sufficiently understand. That means I may need you to explain something that I find counter-intuitive a few times until I “get it”, which can be annoying. On the plus side, with things I do get, I can take the point and move forward very quickly.

The main thing is just to know that, even when I am being a pain in the ass (!) it’s out of concern for the project, the organisation, and the community.

Parents

  • I really appreciate this thread. I've been in work situations that others here have described and my 'coping' mechanisms basically involved laying low (which bullies loved) and also quitting. I didn't know I was on the spectrum back then.

    The bullet points shared by rox4brains and nigel are amazing to me. (And I can see myself completely in nigel's list!) However, I see the logic and I love to follow guidelines because it is so pleasing to find out how to make things work better and experience those positive results. I can also see what others have said about non-autistic people not following the logic and essentially lacking that intrinsic motivator to read and and take the advice on board.

    I started putting together my own quick tip sheet / guidance. It's along the same lines of helping others to help me help myself. Pointers on how to recognise different states I'm in and make sense of things I say/do that may not make sense. But I recognise to even read that, let alone remember it day-to-day and put it into action, would take quite a bit of time and mental investment from others.

    Taking it one step further - I wonder of non-autistic people would feel pressure to follow what might look like 'my rules'. That's not how I'd intend it to come across... But it got me thinking about how great it would be if we understood everyone better along these lines anyway, those on the spectrum and not. I've had reactions from some people that feel I'm making a fuss, demanding attention... I fear that is how my guidance might come across. I wonder if non-autistic people may be jealous of this special treatment. Perhaps they have their own needs that they haven't been able to articulate, let alone voice... People are more likely to get triggered in subjects that are the most trigger-able to them! 

    Love the approach of focusing on managers and allies when sharing these tips. These are people who have proven themselves to be motivated to listen and care. They're more likely to be receptive to this info, more likely to follow through and take action.

    Pretty sure I'm waffling, but wanted to express my gratitude for the openness of people here in sharing their ideas and lived experiences. You may have just helped at least one other person (me!) avoid being a little too open too soon (again), too trusting too soon (again), and repeating my old habits that haven't got me very far before.

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  • I really appreciate this thread. I've been in work situations that others here have described and my 'coping' mechanisms basically involved laying low (which bullies loved) and also quitting. I didn't know I was on the spectrum back then.

    The bullet points shared by rox4brains and nigel are amazing to me. (And I can see myself completely in nigel's list!) However, I see the logic and I love to follow guidelines because it is so pleasing to find out how to make things work better and experience those positive results. I can also see what others have said about non-autistic people not following the logic and essentially lacking that intrinsic motivator to read and and take the advice on board.

    I started putting together my own quick tip sheet / guidance. It's along the same lines of helping others to help me help myself. Pointers on how to recognise different states I'm in and make sense of things I say/do that may not make sense. But I recognise to even read that, let alone remember it day-to-day and put it into action, would take quite a bit of time and mental investment from others.

    Taking it one step further - I wonder of non-autistic people would feel pressure to follow what might look like 'my rules'. That's not how I'd intend it to come across... But it got me thinking about how great it would be if we understood everyone better along these lines anyway, those on the spectrum and not. I've had reactions from some people that feel I'm making a fuss, demanding attention... I fear that is how my guidance might come across. I wonder if non-autistic people may be jealous of this special treatment. Perhaps they have their own needs that they haven't been able to articulate, let alone voice... People are more likely to get triggered in subjects that are the most trigger-able to them! 

    Love the approach of focusing on managers and allies when sharing these tips. These are people who have proven themselves to be motivated to listen and care. They're more likely to be receptive to this info, more likely to follow through and take action.

    Pretty sure I'm waffling, but wanted to express my gratitude for the openness of people here in sharing their ideas and lived experiences. You may have just helped at least one other person (me!) avoid being a little too open too soon (again), too trusting too soon (again), and repeating my old habits that haven't got me very far before.

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