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Should I give a tip-sheet to colleagues?

rox4brains

I just tried an experiment today that I hope will make my work life easier and more productive, but could actually end up causing me more problems. I was only diagnosed a year ago (I'm female and 53) and so am new to "coming out" about my autism. I do tend to tell people now, but find that doesn't really make any difference, because it's too vague. There's no concrete explanation of what autism means in my case.

Anyway, at the end of an e-mail to two colleagues, I included the text highlighted below. I wondered whether anyone else had tried something like this, whether it worked, and whether there were any unfortunate consequences!

Thanks!

One last thing. Since we’re going to be working together closely, I thought I’d just give you a few tips on working with me (and my version of autism/aspergers… everyone is different!) that might help you and stop you feeling frustrated.
  • Be direct. I don’t pick up on social cues very well and can be very poor at reading between the lines (at least when speaking… I’m much better in writing!) Don’t expect me to understand something that you haven’t explicitly said.
  • If I’m talking too much (almost always!) or being irrelevant, just attract my attention, make clear that you have something to say (or want to move on), and I will make sure to stop talking and listen.
  • It sometimes takes me a while to process information. If we’re having a disagreement, this may come across as me not listening or ignoring a point you have made. The truth is, I do listen and I do change my mind, it just may take several minutes (or longer).
  • I don’t mind being overruled, but what really makes me anxious is when people are personally offended that I disagreed with them in the first place. I won’t hold a grudge, but I also need to know that you won’t.
  • One of the things that people find most frustrating about me is that I find it hard to trust things I don’t understand. Some people take this as disrespect: that I don’t trust them enough to just believe them. It really isn’t that. It’s just that my brain can’t use information I don’t sufficiently understand. That means I may need you to explain something that I find counter-intuitive a few times until I “get it”, which can be annoying. On the plus side, with things I do get, I can take the point and move forward very quickly.

The main thing is just to know that, even when I am being a pain in the ass (!) it’s out of concern for the project, the organisation, and the community.

Parents

  • Hi all,

    I like Nigel's letter as well... It feels very comprehensive. I think the problem for me is that, because I work in a lot of diverse teams (both within my organisation -- a huge university -- and outside it), the fact that my line-manager and Head of Department know I'm autistic doesn't really make much difference. (My HoD has an autistic daughter and has been very supportive from when I started the process of getting a diagnosis 2-3 years ago).

    The problem comes when dealing with new colleagues on new projects... and I have to negotiate these interactions myself. My thought is that, while things are going well, I will not share any details about my autism. But then, when I can feel trouble brewing, I can share it then. In a weird way, I think it's better for them to have experienced the "problems" of dealing with me before I tell them about them. This way the message should be less abstract.

    The other thing with comprehensive letters like Nigel's is that people don't really read them. Believe it or not, I teach communication to engineers (in, as you can imagine, a very systematic way!), and that's one of the first lessons about e-mails: keep them short. I'll probably work on reducing the length of this one over time... if it works at all.

    Finally, I just wanted to thank you all for your support here. This is my first time posting and I've really felt grateful for all your support. Just knowing that a lot of people have the same kinds of problems is a real help. Will definitely keep you posted.

Reply

  • Hi all,

    I like Nigel's letter as well... It feels very comprehensive. I think the problem for me is that, because I work in a lot of diverse teams (both within my organisation -- a huge university -- and outside it), the fact that my line-manager and Head of Department know I'm autistic doesn't really make much difference. (My HoD has an autistic daughter and has been very supportive from when I started the process of getting a diagnosis 2-3 years ago).

    The problem comes when dealing with new colleagues on new projects... and I have to negotiate these interactions myself. My thought is that, while things are going well, I will not share any details about my autism. But then, when I can feel trouble brewing, I can share it then. In a weird way, I think it's better for them to have experienced the "problems" of dealing with me before I tell them about them. This way the message should be less abstract.

    The other thing with comprehensive letters like Nigel's is that people don't really read them. Believe it or not, I teach communication to engineers (in, as you can imagine, a very systematic way!), and that's one of the first lessons about e-mails: keep them short. I'll probably work on reducing the length of this one over time... if it works at all.

    Finally, I just wanted to thank you all for your support here. This is my first time posting and I've really felt grateful for all your support. Just knowing that a lot of people have the same kinds of problems is a real help. Will definitely keep you posted.

Children
  • in reply to rox4brains

    True about people not reading these things.

    I tend to overthink and overanalyse anything written, and my emails can become wordy and far too long. Wheras verbally I struggle to express myself and cannot do it quickly or on demand.

    The average Neurotypical recipient glances at the size of my emails, maybe reads the subject header, then completely ignores any and all of the detail Unamused

  • in reply to rox4brains

    We have a 'health passport' in the NHS and I started to fill it in but it is in a simplified format and it makes me feel really infantile so I abandoned it. I don't want to explain to my manager in a way that looks needy. I think your letter is much better but again, I always worry about misinterpretation. I think I'm just going to wait until it comes up naturally. Occupational Health has let my manager know when I started my job but it isnt something that we have had a conversation about yet.

  • in reply to rox4brains

    Welcome , i'm an engineer at heart and am considering putting together a letter such as this but want to keep it short as you say so that hopefully people will read it.