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Perspective

Loz

Just throwing out a random question if I may. 

Today I had a two and a half hour chat to one of my managers. I've been having issues with a number of them. One in particular has caused me a substantial amount of anxiety. I think it may be because she uses so much corporate language so I have trouble gauging what she implies by her response. She's also quite inflexible so for example, a meeting I had with her, we went round in circles because she repeated the same phrases and I got more and more frustrated because I couldn't understand where she was coming from.

The conversation I had today was quite informative as I learned a great deal about some things that have been happening. Covid has caused a lot of headaches all round and because I've been getting so anxious, haven't gotten information and have been getting vague, corporate answers which seem to have gotten me hyper focused on the problems that I haven't been able to step back and understand what has been happening. I'll be having another meeting with my manager and we'll have more of a chat about how to understand what is going on so we can get on to something more useful. 

I was just wondering if anyone else has any similar issues, particularly around understanding perspective that might give me some insight. I get frustrated to the point where my anxiety gets overwhelming and my managers are interpreting it as attitude problems. But I can't speak corporate so it doesn't ever feel like I'm getting an answer.

Thanks

  • in reply to Loz

    u will gradually improve if u try

  • in reply to Daniel

    Thank you Daniel, fortunately the manager that I'm now speaking to is far better at listening and I'll be having at least one other meeting with him in a few weeks. He will be in a position to get through some boundaries for me and help with the communication problem. It's taking me quite some time to figure it out and it's hard to understand the perspective of someone who thinks they must focus only on policy and company standards. If I can't see another perspective, it's really hard to change my own.

  • in reply to aidie

    I'm doing better now that I've had the chat to my manager yesterday. I get on much better with him as he is far more relaxed. He takes seriously my need to understand a situation and isn't afraid to talk to me on a human level rather than going around in circles using the same party line like the others do. For my part, I don't abuse that information by wandering around gossiping about it. It's a good relationship and it's unfortunate that he's not still one of my direct managers. 

    With him to talk to, I finally feel like I can be heard so things might hopefully improve. Still don't think I'm cut out for office work but unless I get a lottery win, I'm just going to work with it until I can figure out other options that suit me better.

    I came to a bit of a realisation this morning that I've been pushing to get some of the changes for my whole team, because of how it will affect me. No one likes the changes but I've never had, nor thought I needed preferential treatment for my mental health. The fact is, while my colleagues might be a bit annoyed with it, they can do it without too much additional stress. For me, I would have more areas that I'd need to keep track of, I'd have more travel between sites on public transport which would affect my PTSD (and my general anxiety because of all the additional clock watching and planning). I may be ok in the short term, but it would cause me more and more stress as time went on and I'd head back to melt down territory again.

    It just sucks because even though I would always support someone else if they needed to make changes to work patterns, I'm not used to being 'singled out'. I'm not used to asking for it, I don't like the feeling that I'm not doing what everyone else is expected to do and it makes me feel like I'm sitting back and laughing at my colleagues for having to do something that I've managed to 'get out of'. Part of me understands that my colleagues have all seen what I've had to deal with so they won't be bothered by it. But it doesn't make it less upsetting to have to face that realisation.

  • I suffered the same sort of thing and it was so bad I  went to get help and came out of it with an autism diagnosis ! Since then I have taught myself / have been practising Zen and mindfulness meditation which has reduced my anxiety and stopped my depression. 

    I no longer worry about cooperate stuff at all.  Arguments have ceased. My Managers say I have improved. I just smile.

  • Loz,

    Just as you've done here, find someone you're close to and share your thoughts, feelings and your perspective with him/her/them, once you express and release thoughts and feelings it makes it easier to think more clearly instead of being confused. Someone not expressing themselves leads to depression.

    I assume your manager knows about your condition, if you both know that you're trying to understand each other that could make things more calm and patient to hear each other out, ask them to give you a bit more time to process what they have to say and don't be afraid to ask them what they mean if you think you don't understand, and tell them to do what they can do to make things easier. Like I've seen some on the spectrum who find it easier to process and understand if the language is more specific and spoken one point at a time in smaller straight forward sentences.

    Concerning the accusation about attitude problems, don't be afraid to tell them what you've told us, that when the same phrase is repeated again and again is causes you anxiety and then frustrates you. Your manager should consider your perspective as well to understand and make necessary adaptions during meetings and conversations so you can understand them.