Should I refer myself for an assessment? + Impostor syndrome + what to say to my parents?

Hi there, everyone. I'm sorry if this post isn't permitted - I'm not an adult yet but I will be in a month from now, and so I wondered if it was worth self referring to the Tower Hamlets Autism service run in collaboration with the National Autistic Society.

The reason why I want to self refer is because I looked widely into autism traits in women for the past 5 months, looked at the DSM-5 for autism and its many comorbidities, and concluded that this just fits. I don't know how exactly to explain it, but it explained things such as my aversion to so many foods, my gastrointestinal issues, my hyper-fixation on a lot of things and how part of me enjoys socialising at times but afterwards I just need a lot of time to recover. I don't know if this is allowed but I actually made a document listing my symptoms in accordance to the DSM-5 along with comorbidities I think I may have that I also think are worth looking into. I can PM it to anyone who would do me the honour of reading it.

This brings me onto the main part of my post. I want to self refer for an autism assessment. Throughout all my time in CAMHS and going in and out of psychiatrist's offices, GPs and hospitals, I never felt like the words I was being given helped. CBT didn't do very much for me - I actually completed the course on my own while my therapist was on leave, and she complimented me saying I did all her work for her, but I didn't feel any better. I also did CBT for my OCD with my current therapist, and I appreciated the sentiment but it didn't necessarily alter any cognitions I had. If anything, I just doubled down on my analysis and broke down more. I feel like unless I don't try something else, I might stay in a strange state of not understanding myself forever when this is the closest I've gotten.

However, my therapist doesn't want to refer me. She thinks that because I show good social reciprocity and I make eye contact, I can't possibly be autistic. So she ended the conversation there very quickly. I understand, but at the same time I want to push more. But at any rate, my CAMHS time is nearly up as I turn 18 a month from now, so I was considering a self referral to the Tower Hamlets autism service. I would just like to know if anyone has had any experience with this system, or with the NHS in general, and if it is worth going, especially with some GPs and the outdated views on autism in women? Anything I can say to my parents that will convince them will also be greatly appreciated.

Thank you very much to anyone who reads this.

Parents
  • Hello, I don’t know if this is still being checked… but everything you just said is exactly what I’m feeling. I’m receiving treatment for OCD from CAMHS, I’ve just turned 17 and I think I’m autistic. I’m also female and I don’t know what my parents views are about getting assessed. The CBT isn’t helping at all and I just feel stuck and lost. I’ve thought about it for a while and everything fits, I feel so definitely that I am autistic, I just feel like I need an official diagnosis because I feel so lost and I don’t know whether it’s true. It was suggested by a psychiatrist that my ‘presentation might indicate that’ I am ‘on the autism spectrum’. But nothing was ever followed up, I was only diagnosed with OCD. I haven’t brought it up with my therapist at CAMHS because I’m too scared she’ll bring it up with my parents and I don’t know how to explain it all or how I’m feeling. I was wondering what you did and how you went about it? Your words make me feel like I’m not alone because I feel so hopeless right now and I don’t know what to do. 

Reply
  • Hello, I don’t know if this is still being checked… but everything you just said is exactly what I’m feeling. I’m receiving treatment for OCD from CAMHS, I’ve just turned 17 and I think I’m autistic. I’m also female and I don’t know what my parents views are about getting assessed. The CBT isn’t helping at all and I just feel stuck and lost. I’ve thought about it for a while and everything fits, I feel so definitely that I am autistic, I just feel like I need an official diagnosis because I feel so lost and I don’t know whether it’s true. It was suggested by a psychiatrist that my ‘presentation might indicate that’ I am ‘on the autism spectrum’. But nothing was ever followed up, I was only diagnosed with OCD. I haven’t brought it up with my therapist at CAMHS because I’m too scared she’ll bring it up with my parents and I don’t know how to explain it all or how I’m feeling. I was wondering what you did and how you went about it? Your words make me feel like I’m not alone because I feel so hopeless right now and I don’t know what to do. 

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