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Should I apologise to NT friends.

The Riddler

Since my diagnosis a few months ago I have thought a lot about people I have struggled to maintain friendships with. This was mainly due to my particular requirements for going out or doing anything that made  it easier not to engage. However, now I understand it a bit better myself I wonder if I should contact them and explain and apologise for not being available. Since my diagnosis I have actually told relatively few people. Probably because I’m scared about how it will be received and rejection.

  • in reply to The Riddler

    i'll be doing it. its part of my change and development. You either change or stay the way u are, its your choice, your life. 

  • in reply to aidie

    I think as Plastic says it’s finding the right moment. I get incredibly nervous thinking about it and what to say and then just say nothing. It’s hard.

  • in reply to Pax

    Pax, that’s another good point. There are definitely people who I would like to have as a friend and people I couldn’t careless. I’m a bit of a loner or certainly comfortable being with myself.

  • no thats a really good idea  - u will feel better and the people u talk to will really appreciate it 

    its a really healing move,,,, sorta win win.

    thats a really good idea

    but keep it short and sweet

  • in reply to The Riddler

    I am going to add a caveat from personal experience from what Plastic suggested. I entirely agree, that if you mean friendships that faded, people who made a choice not to spend time with you, etc then I wouldn't go out of my way for it.

    However I can think of a few (maybe 2 or 3) people who were actually good friends to me but due to mental health, shutdowns, etc, I basically ghosted or asked to back off, and knowing what I do now I regret it. Those people I am considering reaching out to, not expecting them to come back but to just apologize and explain what I now know. If a friendship reforms then great but it's mostly a way of letting go of guilt for me and giving closure for them if they need it. 

    The Riddler said:
    I think I’ve expected myself to make some grand announcement ad everyone to come running. While also hating the idea of treating me differently or really even noticing my presence most of the time.

    Ignore me entirely if this is wrong for you, but right now I feel like I've made this huge discovery, my life feels changed, I know more about myself and I see those actions I've been beating myself up about for years as something I can begin to forgive myself for. But the world around me is the same as before, and not acting differently and I really want to shout out to people to let them know it's all different and then everyone will turn to me and embrace me (no physically! No hugs thanks!). But that won't happen, for most people, it will be a minor curiosity to them, and I'm trying to be ok with that and accept it as a personal experience and an opportunity to be better in the future.

  • in reply to The Riddler

    yeah - but this news is only interesting to you - but it's so BIG to you that you want to shout it out!  Smiley

    I'll bet if you mention it to people you consider friends that they already suspected and aren't surprised at all.

  • in reply to Plastic

    That’s a good point. I think I’ve expected myself to make some grand announcement ad everyone to come running. While also hating the idea of treating me differently or really even noticing my presence most of the time.

  • I wouldn't go out of my way to apologise - friends either like you or they don't - a piece of information that makes you look disadvantaged will not endear you to people who don't already accept you.

    If you're in a conversation with any of them, you might casually mention it if you feel you want them to know - but it won't make them like you.

    Basically, real friends won't care - and people who are not your friends will use it against you.