I have a history of experiencing work place bullying particularly since changing careers from scientist to nurse. A recent episode and loss of confidence led to me reaching out to a colleague for help and asking her “how I could be a better nurse” she told me that I needed to communicate better and that I wasn’t a team player - mortified but I am getting to grips with that now. Subsequently an issue with two other colleagues who got very huffy after my voicing the struggles we were having trying to support a particular patient - I was telling it how it was in a professional space but they read this as lacking compassion. This did all lead to massive self doubt and wondering if nursing is for me. At my lowest I felt like I was being asked to constantly but on some sort of inauthentic persona at work where I would have to be endlessly fluffy and say how lovely all the patients were rather than acknowledging how challenging their behaviour can be.
Talking to a friend whose kids have been diagnosed and who has self-diagnosed I had a bit of a realisation that there is a reason we get on so well. I feel like there is an awful lot of things I know about myself that make sense in the context of certain autistic traits. I meet with a counsellor for regular support which I sort out during the first episode of workplace bullying. It would be a massive relief if I felt she recognised what I am beginning to see but I asked her a while ago if she felt that a diagnosis of personality disorder would fit and got told that it was not helpful to pathologise so i am very wary of bringing this up.
