Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm just wondering has anyone ever thought they have done both of these at any time in their lives ?
I often read on here that it is usually females that internalise whereas males mostly mask. Is this correct ?
Looking back, I feel I have done both. I am male. I know there are males here who have said they internalise
and others I suspect have had the same experience. Perhaps far more than care to admit due to the stereo-typing
that it's only likely to be females who internalise ? In any case, isn't the outcome and diagnoses the same at the end of the day ?
I.e Exhaustion ?
What is your experience ?
I think I do both, but mostly I internalise. It's bad! I've spent most of my life keeping all my feelings stuck inside and ruminating on everything because I couldn't explain to anyone. The longer you live like that, the harder it is to let it out.
I don't like masking. I hate pretending to be someone I'm not. I can't convincingly act cheery and friendly when I'm not feeling it. I'm bad at acting, especially if I'm tired/anxious/stressed.
However I do make an effort to be polite by doing friendly smiling, because when I was younger I always got told off for not smiling and I don't want to be considered rude. It might be a friendly smile into thin air, as a sort of compromise if I don't feel like doing eye contact. (I only just realised that I do this, it must look weird.)
Yeah, it's not healthy but it is good you have recognised these traits at a young age. So you can be kinder to yourself, try different management techniques and forge suitable friendships that allows you to be yourself and let it all out. We are really only here for a short time after all.
Luckily I have good friends now, mostly weird/quirky people themselves. So I don't have to pretend when I'm around them :)
Cool