Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello!
I was wondering if anyone else else feels the same way about dating apps?
I’m 40 and single. I was diagnosed with ASD 7 weeks ago and it’s explained why I’ve always struggled in relationships. With everything that’s gone on in the last year, dating apps seem like the only way to meet anyone now. I’ve always found the concept difficult to grasp, very fake, I never know what to say and seem to struggle to match with other people then can’t get my personality across without seeming weird as I have a very dry sense of humour. Now I’m concerned about how someone will react to me being autistic as I’d only be able to be honest about it. I’ve found it’s best for me to avoid the apps altogether, but I don’t want to be alone forever. It’s very frustrating!
Hmm. Maybe after lockdown I should set up a group for autistic people on meetup... I am not much of a people person though and not sure if I'm fit for the job!
Yes - most are NT so they are happy for others to do all the leg work - but I don't mid organising pub evenings. . There's a couple of aspies - one is very unwell but keeps in touch with me, the other is a Yorkshireman - undiagnosed a-hole. Most are just 'nice' people.
Unfortunately, I'm a cross between Hugh Grant and Commander Data - a jolly nice chap - so I quite enjoy the banter but I'm compelled to be the good guy and if no-one organises anything, I am forced to put myself out and set up some events for everyone else..
Shortest reply ever. Don't use them.
Have you made any friends through meetup? I tried it before and didn't have any luck - it mostly seems to be people much older than me who have very normal jobs, interests etc
violetdr3amer said:Have you tried meetup? I think the best way to meet people (friends or potential partners) is through shared interests/hobbies.
Yes - meetup is great for a low-risk social scene- I've been a member for over 5 years doing coffee meets, bowling, pizza evenings, pub nights etc.
As Plastic said, dating apps are very shallow and full of people looking for a shag.
I am like you in that I struggle holding down a relationship. Men find me attractive and unusual at first, but then they don't get my humour, and I've been told by pretty much every ex-boyfriend ever that I am "cringey and embarrassing" in social situations.
Have you tried meetup? I think the best way to meet people (friends or potential partners) is through shared interests/hobbies.
If you search for people into your niche interests, the groups might be small but you've all got something in common to start with.
I find it virtually impossible to meet people as friends or for a relationship.
I haven't tried dating apps because my perception of them is basically what Plastic said, but there doesn't really seem to be any other way to meet people nowadays.
When the lockdown restrictions are relaxed more I want to try going to some meet up groups, but that is not an environment I thrive in for obvious reasons. I would generally say nothing the whole time and it might take me many months to be comfortable enough to say much to people. I am always afraid of being thought of as boring, but my interests are very niche and I find that I have nothing in common with anyone I've ever met.
Sorry about this but the vast majority of people using dating apps are not looking for a relationship.
The blokes are looking for naive women for a quick shag and the women are looking for thousands of men telling them how wonderful they are - and free meals out. It's messed up.
You're better off looking at your childhood hobbies and meeting people into the grown-up version - and you'll find people there will be more on your wavelength - and any women there will have already pre-screened themselves into "people you would like to spend time with."