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Advice on handling shame and embarrassment?

iamspooked

I recently started a new job, and have already had lots of issues and have had to ask for help multiple times. Every day I constantly reflect on each instance I needed support and feel so much embarrasment and shame. I feel so stupid all the time and I can't stop thinking about it. 

I haven't been diagnosed yet but I am on the waiting list - so I haven't discussed this with my employer and don't want to as I have already given her so much trouble and don't want to make her regret hiring me. 

(I am currently in between therapists, so I will have more support soon but not at the moment)

  • I have similar issues around work but I am 51 and never been fired from a job. We tend to really over think these things and think we are rubbish and likely to get fired any day. The reality is really not like that, do what ever is best for you to try and remeber things and don't let others put you off. Most people have a honeymoon period when starting a job, I would only really worry if you are 6 months in and struggling.

  • What's your boss like? Have they given you a specific reason to think you're trouble? 

    I've managed staff and I expect people to ease in slowly. No job is learned over night and everyone needs help when they first start. It would be a poor boss who didn't know and expect that. I positively respect it when people ask for help. It means they are keen and want to learn.

  • People who are new to a job will not instantly know everything, and you are in training, so you will need to rely on others to teach you until you get used to the job itself. 

    It's hard to explain this clearly, but you are attaching your self-worth and personal value to the job itself, and so every mistake is taken personally, and you get feelings of shame and embarrassment. 

    Let's say you're working on an experiment, and something goes wrong, instead of saying "there's an issue with the amount of liquid mixed in," which is - impersonal - and only focuses on the objects themselves, if you were to take it - personally - it'll sound more like "I failed the experiment. I'm so stupid. I can't do anything right. I'm ashamed of myself."  These are personal attacks on yourself and your own personal character, and your value as a human goes down. It does nothing but harm you to say these kinds of things to yourself. 

    It's important to not take the mistakes you make and attack your own self with it. In more common terms, don't beat yourself up about it, and don't take it personally. When you make a mistake, think about the objects in the situation itself, and what you have learned, and what you can do to improve. Think in terms of growing, adding to your knowledge base, building yourself up from what you already know. 

    There's some general advice, like write things down in a notebook because your memory of the training session will likely be wiped out in 2-3 weeks time if you haven't used any of the information they taught you regularly, so reviewing your notebook is a lot easier than having to admit to the manager that the thing they taught you a few weeks ago and that you said you understood, you now don't remember, and you want them to tell you again how to do it, that's a little embarrassing, which is why I keep a notebook. 

    Anyways, don't ruminate too much, and rather than thinking about the things you did wrong, just concentrate on what you - can - do, and add more and more skills along the way.