Published on 12, July, 2020
When I first joined the forum I felt like I'd finally found people who understand me and my life experience, but this past week or so I've been worrying more about the possibility that I am NOT autistic and what that will actually mean for me moving forward.
My friend's son was assessed recently and she messaged me yesterday to say the outcome was that he isnt autistic but has traits. I'm struggling to imagine how I would feel/cope with a similar outcome. I already feel like I struggle to function in groups but to find a group that I now feel fits with me and have that pulled away again (potentially) is quite scary.
I'm conscious of the fact that I'm about to make a career change and that might be contributing to my insecurity. I'm hopefully being assessed soon (the autism team told me April or May hopefully) so I shouldn't have too much longer to wait. I'm just also conscious that some people have reacted in the "you don't look/seem autistic" way and despite me knowing that this is often a misconception others have about what autism looks like, I also can't help but wonder whether I'm WANTING to be autistic and therefore have an understanding of my way of thinking. I've lived a long time trying to explain "my anxiety" and feeling stupid for it, but autism makes it seem less stupid to me. Maybe because to me it makes sense? I know autism still has as much if not even more stigma than anxiety disorder.
Thoughts appreciated. As you can see my account is back online too
Hi i doubted myself before assessment. I was nearly cancelling it.Just go for it at least then you'll have an answer one way or another. If it's not autism hopefully they will explain why. That still should give you some answers. Autism made more sense to me than to anyone else I'd discussed it with. That is still the case even now when I tell people after my diagnosis. I think that's because it's still very much misunderstood.
My CBT therapist said a lot of anxiety traits overlap with autism. Fair rnough but this didnt account for other difficulties I had too such as with sensory or executive function and alexithymia which are common in people on the spectrum (but not exclusive to). I don't think anyone genuine really *wants* to be autistic as there is still a stigma attached. It might be more that you're wanting some sort of explanation which hopefully you will get.
Approach with an open mind like another post said.