Feeling a bit lost

When I first joined the forum I felt like I'd finally found people who understand me and my life experience, but this past week or so I've been worrying more about the possibility that I am NOT autistic and what that will actually mean for me moving forward. 

My friend's son was assessed recently and she messaged me yesterday to say the outcome was that he isnt autistic but has traits. I'm struggling to imagine how I would feel/cope with a similar outcome. I already feel like I struggle to function in groups but to find a group that I now feel fits with me and have that pulled away again (potentially) is quite scary. 

I'm conscious of the fact that I'm about to make a career change and that might be contributing to my insecurity. I'm hopefully being assessed soon (the autism team told me April or May hopefully) so I shouldn't have too much longer to wait. I'm just also conscious that some people have reacted in the "you don't look/seem autistic" way and despite me knowing that this is often a misconception others have about what autism looks like, I also can't help but wonder whether I'm WANTING to be autistic and therefore have an understanding of my way of thinking. I've lived a long time trying to explain "my anxiety" and feeling stupid for it, but autism makes it seem less stupid to me. Maybe because to me it makes sense? I know autism still has as much if not even more stigma than anxiety disorder.

Thoughts appreciated. As you can see my account is back online too