Published on 12, July, 2020
Has anyone experienced... how negative a person is with Aspergers? My son is finding it hard atm with college work, it’s hard actually to put into words! He’s so negative. But he knows he is different to others and started crying to me about it, he’s frustrated and I just don’t know where to turn! He is 20 years old in June. I get scared of how is mind is set, as I remember him telling e he wanted to die in his twenties and it plays on my mind. I feel like I need to go away and look up what to say to him, as he is so intelligent but his way of thinking is different. As we all have our own experience of depression and anxiety. I feel Aspergers is in another level totally! thanx for ready hope you can advice ;)
Critical thinking, analysaing is a gift. We need humans who contemplate the dimensions of reality, the physics of matter. We need humans who can weigh out comes of steel frames, the elements and think of all the possible things which could go wrong when constructing aeroplanes, bridges, tunnels, ships to forge the arctic. We need humans who can think of what can go wrong in surgery, who can weigh all the possibilities of external problems to make sure a thing isn't cancer but a dietary issue. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking is often termed 'negative'. Yet it is necessary for the most basic survival.
When I was 2-3 I started thinking about infinite space. I was plagued by nightmares of the eternal expanse of the universe. That's some deep thinking at too young of an age to contemplate. The philosophical constructs that I tried to work out when young - well before I had life experience or all the basic knowledge, caused a great deal of tears and frustration. I really admire that young me now. She simply lacked all the knowledge that comes with proper intensive study and learning and growing and becoming. She needed to sit in a library for 10 years. :)
I would've loved to be able to unload all of that on a parent! Luckily, as I got older, my father has been better at just letting me vent. He listens, doesn't judge, typically says he feels helpless and doesn't have answers but goodness, it's so helpful he just listens and says I love you. If I go extremely dark, just knowing he's catching all the words on the other end of the phone make me feel like I can let go of them.
That's taught me that as a parent, and my son is in his 20s, that I can be a "container" for my son as well. He doesn't always need answers, just some imaginary containment unit to offload all his philosophical inquiry or problems regardless of how grave or morbid. And since I'm maybe a little wiser and not his 'friend' but a mentor, I can just allow him to feel heard and sometimes ask "How can I help?"
We all need to grow into our intellect. And those who are free to openly discuss a thing are less likely to suffer from it. Therapy can offer some practical help. But having a parent who is willing to listen, not fix, just be available, can make a world of difference. It is the secrets, the things not said one should fear.
I have to wonder though. What if its not existential angst. What if its very tangible things many teens struggle with. Things an autistic person might still be strugeling with in their 20s. Less 'what is the nature of reality' more, 'why don't I have any friends?' 'why can't I get a girlfriend,' 'why do I never get invited to join in things.' Some autistic people get a fresh revelation of how much society is treating them differently from others around the transition from school to adult education.
Oh absolutely. Hoping to help a mum see the upside of her hyper-analysing son. But if this is the case, he might want to have a go at contacting the community board direct?
Maybe. but what advice would we give him? I've still not got any of that stuff figured out. My best advice would be try and find friends who'll help you make more friends and look for active out going interest groups that align really well with your interests ... but that's not always posable, and even when it is it only takes you so far in my experience.