Hi everyone,
I've been struggling for a long time and have been considering referring myself to the local assessment service for some years. I'm very lucky in that I can refer myself directly for assessment rather than having to have an appointment with my GP.
I suppose my biggest issue is that I feel like I just don't fit in. I'm happy in social situations, but then I struggle to make friends, am told I keep repeating myself about a subject and generally get the impression that people don't want to spend any time with me. I've seen a few posts online on autistic traits in women and how it can be hidden and see myself in a lot of them, but then I can't decide whether that's just because I want to identify with it and to feel like there's an explanation for how I am. I had a private therapist a couple of years ago who suggested I take an AQ50 online and got a really high score (I'm fairly sure it was over 35/50 but I can't completely remember), but then I don't know if I'm second guessing the answers. Her role was however to help me deal with severe work related anxiety and she couldn't make a referral for me, It's something I'd have to do for myself.
I guess I'm worried about it. Worried about how it might affect me in the future, worried about how it might affect my employment prospects (not that I'm coping with WFH very well) and worried that I might not get an explanation for who I am after all. My ex-partner says he couldn't see it in me, but then acknowledged that I'm highly intelligent and might be good at hiding the traits, as I understand might be common with women. I'm also a bit anxious about how it might impact upon my medical records and whether they'd need to speak to my family (I'd rather not have them involved).
Just need space to get my worries out I think. I probably just need to be brave and get on with it.
