Female autism in stories

I am looking to write a story with a female main character. In describing her to my wife, she pointed out that it seemed like I was describing a person who was autistic. It was a thought provoking idea that I latched onto. Since the subject of female autism is so young, it is hard to find much info (for me anyway) I want to make this character relatable and strong with my audience. I was hoping to hear from women who live with autism. Some of these may be personal. If they are, I completely understand if no one wants to share.

1) what is your love life like?

2) what was it like when you first saw the love of your life? What were your thoughts and feelings?

3)what caused you/causes you to be over stimulated

4) is it easy to become frustrated?

5) you lost a loved one, what did you think of feel?

6) how empathic are you?

I have more questions that would like to ask later. I hope I am not being offensive or invasive. Thank you for your time

  • 1. love life is non-existent currently. Very hard to tell the difference between wanting to be really good friends with someone and wanting to date them.

    2. if romance does happen then it happens very gradually. Not the type to have 'love at first sight'. It takes a long time to build a strong bond with someone.

    3. socialising with people, even people I really like e.g. in my own family, can be overstimulating. At times like Christmas I will really enjoy myself but I'll need to have a break and go in my room to calm down by myself for a while in between socialising. 

    4. frustrated with myself a lot of the time because small things mess up my mood and stop me doing what I need to do. But I don't get frustrated by some things that others would.

    5. never lost a loved one, but I get devastated when my pets die.

    6. I think I used to empathise a lot with animals, but barely at all with people. Now I am a lot better at thinking about what people are feeling but it is more intellectual than instinctive. Quite often I am surprised by people's reactions because I didn't notice the hints about how they felt about something until they actually say it, or I assumed they would react in a different way.

  • Thank you for your input put. I will try my best not to make my characters dry out robotic! :)

  • Thank you so much for your reply and information! Do you mind if I copy it for reference material while writing?

  • 1) Most of the time is spent in the same room, but me and my partner are doing separate personal interests of ours. We are both creative types. He enjoys building structures of inanimate objects like houses, machines, landscapes, and I enjoy drawing and painting humans and other living organisms. Music usually plays in the background that helps us concentrate. We have moments of chit chat on complex topics (astrophysics, biology, inventions, mechanics, psychology, fantasy...), but not everything about those subjects, just certain interesting snippets. Both of us are likely on the spectrum somewhere.  

    2) When I saw him for the first time it was at work, and both of us were "masking" so I just saw him like any other human being. I excelled at my job, which was attractive to him. One day he had his sketchbook and showed it to me, and we just talked for hours and enjoyed our time together. After we began dating, I got promoted to leading a department, and around the same time we found a place to move in together.

    3) I'm overstimulated by having too much things happening to me at once and it overwhelms my senses. When I am over-stimulated, I put on earbuds, anti-strain eye glasses, a hoodie, and I tell my partner I am feeling drained and need quietness, and I ask him to turn the music down and to he stops typing and chatting for a little while until I can recouperate my energy. 

    4) When I lose a loved one, I feel sad because I won't get the chance to interact with them anymore, or to hear their voice again. I might cry, but that depends on how close I was with that person. 

    5) I have empathy for others, and I can understand if people are in a good or bad mood, and can react accordingly, but I don't always know how to respond with they correct facial expression and phrases. If someone tells me something completely unexpected, I might panic and I'll be trying to think and figure out what to say and do, that I might be silent for too long, and end up saying and doing nothing, which is just awkward all around.

  • Please don't take this as anything other than my observations - I'm not suggesting bad writing.  Smiley    I watched lot of crap (BBC) tv in the 70s and I noticed that a lot was badly written - the characters were 2D only and had no personality - almost robotic and predictable - when you step back from them, they can be judged as quite autistic compared with today's measures.