Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm getting a little concerned with some of my friends - all undiagnosed aspies and married - but they're crumbling under lockdown - they're losing the ability to communicate.
They are all techy / nerdy types and either don't work or work from home so they are not interacting with anyone else - and haven't really spoken to anyone but me for many months. their wives 'mother' them so they are .descending into bad places.
i'm noticing their behaviours are becoming a lot more introverted and spiralling down. One of my friends of over 15 years is turning into Ruprecht from "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKDUDF3cgRA
They all live miles away so visiting is difficult so I can only talk on the phone - any ideas for keeping them sane?
idk... i've diagnosed one of my friends, younger than me, he's prob 50, as undiag aspie. he seems to be happy with his monstrous lathe and making things to 1000 of an inch tolerances... i'm kind of leaving him alone -- he seems to prefer that. he's totally uncomfortable with people. things are opening up, so hopefully that will improve peoples' lots... id suggest finding whatever methods of communication work best .............. for them, not you, and going from there. i'm suggesting this just cause people seem so particular about how they communicate.
only other thing would be to find an additional common interest. i have zero interest in lathes, so my pal and i are not communicating that much these daze. there's also just waiting.... i've accepted that we're long distance pals.
or you could broach the subject that your pals are falling into disrepair... possibly a treacherous path...
there's also zoom calls........... i notice seeing someone might be a lot better than just talking.
I've managed to get one to re-motivate a little bit to get on with finishing his house but another is getting worse - he's absolving all responsibility for his life - I can see that he's going to be sectioned - his behaviour is deteriorating and it's like he's trying to see how far he can push things.
It's odd - he's a pan-nerdist like me - expert on cars, planes, electronics etc. but is turning into a petulant child.
uh, i guess sectioned means hospitalized in a locked ward??? have you talked to him about his behavior? i'd guess he's overstimulated.... is the word dysregulated? i've started doiing things to limit distractions, relax more, get into my body, move more, breathe, eat some sweets, but really strive to eat well... all 'those' things.
my buddy seems a little like yours... very into his monster lathe, and running out of crazy things to lathe... i only mentioned the possibility of seeing a surgeon (for his crappy shoulder) once... i probably won't mention it again. he's so stubborn --- i have to just hope he uh... does ok. i think he has zero insight into his aspergerish stuff, or just is paralyzed by it.
i guess i wonder if your buddy and mine just can't uh... de-escalate. kinda hard for people chasing the aspie ball.
however, who am i to talk?
I bought into the whole RainMan persona, ten years ago, calling myself 'ExcellentDriver' on a forum; where I was antagonistic. I used to be a fluent BSer.
I can meltdown under minimal stress. Usually when I ask for outreach, and several calls occur whenever I'm preoccupied.
raspberrypie said:hikikomori
Yeah - modern day hermits. Unfortunately, technology of today means this is a practical lifestyle.
he may have abundant sensitivities. mine seems to be noise. i was at my favorite fishing spot, where everyone is quiet anf friendly. no boom boxes. ever. well, this sunday some large group was blaring their crap music all over the entire lake. i left immediately, walking to try to self regulate. it was really awful, and every racist stereotype flew into my head (they were of a certain race). it is just really threatening. yet, no one other than me is aware of the effect that has on me. so, to them, i'm without stress. to me, stress is always right there, waiting to lunge.
that's not much of a life.
or, maybe your bud is just stress free... you also might look up hikikomori, in japan. there' an interesting lot..... pretty sad.
Could be - I'm wondering if it's more like depression as he's isolated himself so much from other people. I'm literally the only other person he talks to apart from his wife - and she's not at all technical so a discussion about digital audio formats is unlikely..
He's got a lot of support from social services but I'm concerned that he's pushing them towards a bad decision for himself.