Is giving in to medication a weakness?

For years now I have been on a journey of discovery. Trying to understand who I am and why I feel the way I do. Really driven by the need to get rid of the anxiety and the depression that goes along with it. Over the years I have tried, what feels like, every therapy and intervention known to man. I’ve also experimented with a whole range of herbal and homeopathic remedies, in an attempt to get to grips with it. Possibly with the naive  belief I can find a magic cure and make it go away. All the time avoiding pharmaceutical medications. In many ways it is what has lead me here, waiting for an assessment.

I guess that is my point. There is so much ridding on the result of the assessment, that I’m scared that the anxiety will still be there and just be a part of me. I need to get it under control though, but feel if I give into medication that some how I have failed. Wasted the last 20+ years avoiding it. Because if that’s what it comes down to I could have taken it 20 years ago and saved myself time energy and money.

My other concern is the effects of this stuff. I did take something for about a month once. However, I stopped because I “felt” dead! Sure it made the anxiety better, but it turned off every other emotion too. It was like not being able to feel anything, it was horrible. I’d prefer to be anxious. At least I can still experience other emotions too.

Anyway, I’m rambling, which is most unlike me! Thanks 

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  • A few years ago, I had an issue with my Anxiety and rather than listen to me, my managers decided they knew better. I ended up getting to the point where I was crying so much that I was hitting myself in the head, I suppose I was trying to make the crying stop, I'm not certain. It's something I've never done before, so I decided to go to my GP and have a chat to them about anti-depressants. I tried Sertraline but switched over to Citalopram a few months later. The Sertraline made me feel like a zombie, I can't really tell with the Citalopram as a few weeks after I switched to it, I had a motorcycle accident.

    Both drugs 'evened' me out and I stopped trying to hurt myself. It did what it had to do at a time that I needed it. But after my accident, I developed PTSD and found that I couldn't tell what was symptom and what was side effect. The management situation had been dealt with (sort of) and I knew that I could deal better with my counselling if I knew what was going on. It took several months of withdrawal to come off them.

    I had another situation with management last year, not quite the same, however because of me PTSD counselling and subsequently finding out that I may be on the spectrum, I am in a stronger position than I was, both in understanding how I'm affected by certain situations at work, and also how to deal with them. It means that I don't feel the need to return to the Anti-depressants as I know I can deal with them through other means such as meditation, diet (one day I'd like to include exercise but I'm quite squishy and jiggly at the moment so that is going to take some additional poking and prodding).

    I knew someone years ago whose Anxiety was caused by a chemical imbalance. For her, medication was a necessity. For me, it stopped me from hurting myself and numbed me down until I could deal with it in other ways. It has it's place. They can have some severe side effects and it can be trial and error to find the one that offers the right balance. I don't really go for homeopathic remedies as I think if they had medicinal uses, they would simply be referred to as medicine. 

  • Hi Loz, thanks for you input. It sounds like you have had some challenging times, but doing better now.(if I’m reading it right) It certainly seems to be a rollercoaster, and one people largely have to ride on their own as I find GP’s and other professionals are guessing a lot of the time. Definitely going to try meditation.

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  • Hi Loz, thanks for you input. It sounds like you have had some challenging times, but doing better now.(if I’m reading it right) It certainly seems to be a rollercoaster, and one people largely have to ride on their own as I find GP’s and other professionals are guessing a lot of the time. Definitely going to try meditation.

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