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Is giving in to medication a weakness?

The Riddler

For years now I have been on a journey of discovery. Trying to understand who I am and why I feel the way I do. Really driven by the need to get rid of the anxiety and the depression that goes along with it. Over the years I have tried, what feels like, every therapy and intervention known to man. I’ve also experimented with a whole range of herbal and homeopathic remedies, in an attempt to get to grips with it. Possibly with the naive  belief I can find a magic cure and make it go away. All the time avoiding pharmaceutical medications. In many ways it is what has lead me here, waiting for an assessment.

I guess that is my point. There is so much ridding on the result of the assessment, that I’m scared that the anxiety will still be there and just be a part of me. I need to get it under control though, but feel if I give into medication that some how I have failed. Wasted the last 20+ years avoiding it. Because if that’s what it comes down to I could have taken it 20 years ago and saved myself time energy and money.

My other concern is the effects of this stuff. I did take something for about a month once. However, I stopped because I “felt” dead! Sure it made the anxiety better, but it turned off every other emotion too. It was like not being able to feel anything, it was horrible. I’d prefer to be anxious. At least I can still experience other emotions too.

Anyway, I’m rambling, which is most unlike me! Thanks 

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  • I'm on a low dosage of anti-depressant and have been for years, at this point I doubt if it's actually doing anything.

    My diagnosis grounded me a lot - as it helped sort out the confusion in my life over the years, broke down some of the guilt and brought me to a place where my place in the world made sense. I'm still re-evaluating and re-processing but I'm grasping how much I need to maintain lifestyle changes to lessen the more unpleasant feelings I can have.

    My anxiety and associated foibles are still there though. The time they disappeared completely was when I had a set daily routine, was left alone (no work) and I could manage what, and how much, information I was exposed to. How long that would have lasted beyond the two weeks I enjoyed it, I don't know.  But even if stuff does get overwhelming I seem to manage it slightly better - I can think of a few episodes where, if the same had happened a few years ago, I'd have been signed off again.

    The medication took the edge off for me. And that's all it did/does. For a while I did wonder if there was any scientific basis for it at all  - Joanna Moncrieff of UCL is highly critical of their use, but like any discipline, there are tensions in the field as to the direction it's going.

    I found being able to engage with my diagnosis has given me more of a sense of control over my life and having the option to offload to a therapist and change my worldview helped tremendously. As mentions, understanding autism how affects you and then adjusting your life accordingly is a good way to go.

    I'm too much of a pragmatist, I can't align myself with the idea that using medication is "weakness", although in the same breath I'm not always comfortable with the idea of medicating emotions. Sometimes they are trying to tell us something - mine started to dissipate when I felt listened to. My anxiety now I can link with events and situations instead of that all encompassing generalised sense of anxiety which is there from waking up to going to sleep. 

    There are some things which means for those of us on the spectrum there will be a heightened anxiety response. The "intolerance of uncertainty" concept is one I really relate to. Even when I moved city/job because I wanted to, my anxiety (no excitement, no optimism, no looking forward to it) was overwhelming and my brain/feelings just shut down to manage it. Some things, I'm thinking, I'm going to be stuck with. 

  • in reply to Ethan
    Ethan said:
    Even when I moved city/job because I wanted to, my anxiety (no excitement, no optimism, no looking forward to it) was overwhelming and my brain/feelings just shut down to manage it

    I can remember being really into moving ,nice house nice area a really positive change and feeling happy,but looking back the IBS flaring up , the chest pains and the tiredness,  was my body showing the anxiety that i was not dealing with.  

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  • in reply to Ethan
    Ethan said:
    Even when I moved city/job because I wanted to, my anxiety (no excitement, no optimism, no looking forward to it) was overwhelming and my brain/feelings just shut down to manage it

    I can remember being really into moving ,nice house nice area a really positive change and feeling happy,but looking back the IBS flaring up , the chest pains and the tiredness,  was my body showing the anxiety that i was not dealing with.  

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