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Suddenly my whole family has gone upsidedown

JJ

I'm 41 and may have been diagnosed /  misdiagnosed / forgotten things / lied to / who knows what happened before I left home at 19

I've 'had' depression, bipolar, generalized anxiety with an assorted host of add-ons that I  couldn't listen to, all disjointed case history since i paid privately whenever i had money. NHS access is has been historically problematic.

I had the latest massive breakdown 2 years ago and temporarily came to live at my parents'.

My mother (in her 70s) suddenly became extremely angry when I talked about autism

Now she's angry when I'm not listening to metaphors that don't make any sense

My uncle (who i haven't had much contact with for about 10 years) suddenly just shows me cards with pictures of animals on - he used to be a mental health nurse - I can only guess at about a dozen different things they're supposed to mean.

My sister will talk about most things - except 'craziness' she sends emojis

I'm afraid the therapist won't cope - we've only talked around the subject (in ludicrous detail) but i know he completely accepts the issue

My friends all think it's some post-self-diagnosis party they've been waiting for me to join (it's been so obvious)

  • in reply to JJ

    completely agree with plastic....

    but 90% of therapists think asd is some weird thing, and they just can't deal with it. you need a therapist who knows what it is and how to treat it. seeing a standard therapist for asd is like seeing a gp for a surgical opinion. (to be clear, i'm saying gp's are inept at surgical opinions. their only purpose is to send you to someone who does surgery)

    see a better therapist than the one you're saddled with. or, really talk about this in blunt force, and see if he just falls over in a heap.................which is what you are fearful of happening

  • in reply to aidie

    I very nearly did do that, in fact I almost tore myself to shreds trying to work out if that was the best thing. 

    I really don't think it's necessary - but I do have this immovable feeling that something bizzarre and unique goes on, like there is some giant secret I am not quite seeing - yet again. 

    I know for a fact (now) that most of my friends have it and are actually supporting me incredibly (and before I even knew what they were doing or why).

  • have u considered going for an autism assessment by professionals ?

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thank you so much.

  • Everything your experiencing is totally normal.    The problem is that any realisation or diagnosis only affects you - you want to tell everybody - but most really don't want to know or accept the news.

    If you think about it, they have all accepted you for your whole life as you are - you were ok to them - maybe a bit odd - but they 'knew' you.

    Parents want to be proud of their children and brag to the neighbours about your successes - a lot of them don't want to admit they produced a 'faulty' one - it damages their own self-image from internal perfection to producer of faulty.  It's very hard to accept.    (like my mum)

    Also - odds are one of your parents is also ASD but undiagnosed too - they may not be able to accept a shift in their reality..

    Your uncle is an idiot - he seems to be trying to treat you like an experiment.

    Your sister - again, unable to accept something faulty within the family (just like mine).

    Friends are easier - if you have friends, they probably already worked it out and don't care - they are good friends - don't bug them too much with your news - they are happy to be with you as you are.

    Anyone who suddenly doesn't want to be around you is not really your friend - don't worry about it.

    If you are AS, your entire life is ruled by stress/anxiety - your fight or flight is set to 100% so you're always searching for potential risks and escape routes (it why social events are so hard - you can't just walk away - being trapped triggers the response and stresses you.)

    This thinking about escape and not wanting to go to stressful places is all very logical but most GPs will label you as depressed.

    Why won't your therapist cope?    I've found if they are happy to talk about a subject they will often understand where you're coming from .       I have a top-of-the-range clinical psychologist and, unfortunately,  she's the only person in the world who I can be open and honest with - she 'gets' that my bright, happy 'nice chap' facade is not the real me - we can talk candidly about very difficult subjects.

    Good luck with all this - it can be a lonely path working out who you are.