Hello
I’m just looking for advice from someone who’s dealt with a similar issue.
my partner and I have been together for 6 years now and unfortunately things have been getting more and more strained.
one of our biggest issues I think is that he can’t understand some things I believe have to do with my Asperger’s. I’ve tried explaining why some things can make me really upset or frustrated or angry, and I think he thinks I’m using the Aspergers as an excuse.
At first in our relationship I would just think it’s not his fault for understanding me and my meltdowns or ticks etc as he’s never dealt with someone with Aspergers before but now I keep thinking after 6 years why doesn’t he get it?
for example chewing sounds, things not being in order, the shopping being put in the wrong bags, trying to talk to me whilst there’s music in the background, noises and smells and lighting, not being able to grasp a conversation as to me it’s being said in an over complicated frustrating way, or because too many people are talking. These things amongst so many other “little things” can make me fly if the handle or need to go an sit quietly on my own for a bit. And then it seems to always lead to an argument. Sometimes I get upset because I think after 6 years why doesn’t he try harder to avoid setting off triggers? He knows how much I struggle with these things every day with him or people at work and yet he seems to do all these things regularly, then I get overwhelmed or exhausted from trying to keep calm and then I blow up. For example, I just get so hurt when he knows that putting the shopping away a certain way really helps me deal with being at the shops etc and yet he still just has this chaotic way of doing things then my anxiety shoots through the roof and the till person looks at me weird and it seems like the world crashes around me. And he doesn’t get how getting the weekly shop has to be so dramatic. And I wish it wasn’t like this too but it’s a full time job for me to “be normal” and I’m tired. Like so, so tired.
sorry for the rant but I just don’t know what else I can say to him to make him understand why “little things” affect me.
he is a good person he tolerates me and how I am better than anyone I’ve ever met and I’m grateful but I just don’t know where to go from here. To me he’s chaotic and loud and he doesn’t seem to have any desire to reign it in a bit for me, but I’ve changed so much and worked so hard to find coping mechanisms so that I could be a better partner for him and I just feel alone and lost now.
sorry again for the long post, I just want to know if anyone else has a hard time living with their partner and what they did to make things easier for both myself and him.
don’t know if it’s relevant but I’m a female and was diagnosed at 21, after being diagnosed I didn’t have anyone to talk me through anything so it’s just been trial and error by myself. I’m high functioning but only am able to keep myself in check whilst at work, on my days off and at home things seems to get to me more.
anyway thank you for any help.