Asbergers and becoming a mum children social services

Sounds odd. Lots of autistic people are parents. I'm a social worker currently being assessed and there has been no mention of referrals to either children's or adult services, although as I work for adult services I know the support I could be assessed for under the Care Act and know it does benefit many autistic people.

If they feel you would benefit from an adults social worker and a Care Act assessment then please don't be worried. We would  assess you on the basis of your own needs, not your competency as a parent, and if I was your social worker I'd be looking at how to make parenting and life easier for you, not harder. I found becoming a parent for the first time was so difficult, I ended up with postnatal depression although now I wonder if autism was a more likely contributor to my difficulties with adjusting and I just didn't know it. 

What sort of difficulties do you have because of autism? What are they concerned about? 

Thank you for your reply I will certainly agree to my own social worker if it means I can show my capabilities, my asbergers is ver mild it’s effects me as if im in a loud place with lots of bass sound I get slightly overwhelmed I can remove myself from the situation tho and prevent it’s going any further than just discomfort, I also have problems with textures of food and some smells for example an all you can eat place with many different meals would make me uncomfortable but again I can cope with myself on this As I was only diagnosed last year I am still learning myself about the way it effects me and too be honest I didn’t really agree with the diagnosis in the first place, but over time and getting my own knowlage I have come to the conclusion it does effect me as I struggle with sarcasm and slight eye contact but again I have learnt coping strategies to avoid discomfort other than that I like to think I can cope extremely well I have been reading up on becoming a mum and how to breastfeed and have filled my brain with lots of knowlage on the subjects, my social worker is concerned that my asbergers isn’t going to react well to me becoming a mum as it’s a change in lifestyle but no matter how much reassurance I give it’s a high factor that I will put my child at risk, I think I overshare too much and everything I have shared with her about how my life was before my diagnosis is what she is relaying so sometimes before I would struggle to find motivation to get dressed change my clothes but I have zero problems of that now, she also thinks I’m not truthful as I didn’t relay all the information to my sister about my housing options which wasn’t exactly somthing she needed to know as I was doing that myself, she also thinks I am aggressive with her but I can say yes I am defensive about my asbergers when she says it’s a concern because quite frankly I cannot change it or prevent it for being there I have made every professional involved in my pregnancy aware of my asbergers and have a birth plan that helps with loud noises and bright lights during my birth as it will be a stressful time as it is for any Neurotypical does, she also thinks my friend who I’m living with isn’t going to cope with a child in the house even though at our family group conference call she made it very clear she is more than happy about my daughter living there with us, she also has a concern about my new partner not wanting my baby to live in his house when the reasons for this is we have only been in a relationship for a few months and this has been during the lockdown period and we would like to take things slow in order to see if we can work as a couple when life is back to normal in the community he also has two children of his own that is 8 and 5 and is currently living in a two bed property which wouldn’t be suitable to being a baby into that isn’t related to the above children and it’s a very big change for them, I myself would like to introduce my daughter to them as a non sibling so they don’t have an confusion in her not being a relative, mentioning my new partner I should elaborate on the fact that the father of my daughter is in fact involved and very happy about it and we work really well together snow we aren’t in a relationship, if anything it’s the perfect set up for both of us. This social worker really does discriminate on my asbergers because no matter how much reassurance my family and I give her about my capabilities with children she never acknowledges it, she has also made me aware she has ADHD and I feel as if we have a communication barrier as her emails aren’t properly written so I do struggle to understand what she is asking of me in them and then I don’t exactly do what she’s asked as I don’t feel it was clear, she consistently mentions the fact I “attack” her when in actual fact I’m just making my point clear and she might feel like that due to the fact I might be using the wrong tone which I do when I get upset. She was happy about my living conditions with my friend when we had a family group conference call but when I spoke to her last night she raised concerns about it again which there isn’t a need for 

Sounds like a very intense time for you with a new baby, relatively new relationship and trying to have a friendly relationship with your baby's dad, whatever was happening with your housing situation etc. 

Maybe she feels you are not accepting that this IS all very challenging and will very likely result in meltdowns. What are your contingency plans if you do find yourself not coping? Who or what do you have available to you if you do find yourself struggling? Would you ask for help? 

It is important for you to recognise that babies are not removed simply because their parents are autistic, so be reassured in that and try to work with her. Her job is to support you and your baby.  

Sounds like a very intense time for you with a new baby, relatively new relationship and trying to have a friendly relationship with your baby's dad, whatever was happening with your housing situation etc. 

Maybe she feels you are not accepting that this IS all very challenging and will very likely result in meltdowns. What are your contingency plans if you do find yourself not coping? Who or what do you have available to you if you do find yourself struggling? Would you ask for help? 

It is important for you to recognise that babies are not removed simply because their parents are autistic, so be reassured in that and try to work with her. Her job is to support you and your baby.  

It is normal for people to have to visit you in the first few weeks. The midwife and health visitor would visit regardless of being autistic or not. 

Do you find it easier to express yourself in writing? I'd maybe write up a list of the things you do and don't want to happen and why, and then share it with your social worker. It may help her to then explain to you why she feels certain things need to happen. You could create a plan with set timescales for things to begin and end so you know what you can expect.

Were the issues you had with your housing autism-related? 

It would be interesting to know if any other parents on here have had this experience. 

I fully understand how stressful this situation is and I have a full support network from family and friends I know exactly when I need to ask for help for when baby is here my mum will stay with me for 2 weeks to just be there if I need anything and my sister will then stay if I feel I need the help I also have help lines for mental health team and I know that my midwife and health visitor are at my disposal, I have made this all very clear to her and quite frankly just been dismissed she has put in for me to be monitored in hospital so she can give the clear for me and baby to be discharged as she things my asbergers will not cope with becoming a new mum which is quite frankly upsetting to me as I feel I would make a great mum and I see nothing but happiness when this day comes in a few weeks she wasn’t me to go to meeting and have people come visit me and baby within the first weeks of us being home and having all this put in place I feel is only stressful as its hard becoming a new mum in the first place let alone having to go to appointments when I ideally shouldn’t be leaving my house due to the pandemic