Updated: Initial assessment today!

MileshGhedia said:

And I have had the same reply - 'It's in your head', 'Everyone is a little different and has different needs'. Really triggers me and makes my blood boil!

All classics that can be turned around in each instance regarding:

MileshGhedia said:

'It's in your head'

"Yes; it is medically recognised in part as being neurological condition ~ what with the physiology being a neurological system involving also the heart and gut brains."

https://nariphaltan.org/gut.pdf

MileshGhedia said:

'Everyone is a little different and has different needs'.

"Everyone is 'AT LEAST' a little bit different and some have very different needs ~ yes; most certainly!"

Thank you and good luck with your own journey. It is very difficult to go through the ups and downs of this journey but I think the end result will be worth it. 

Hey! Loved reading this, and sending you much love.

I haven't had a diagnosis yet, I've only done the AQ Quotient Questionnaire which came back as being on the spectrum and living with Aspergers. 

I am learning day to day, and I have opened up the conversations with my family too. And I have had the same reply - 'It's in your head', 'Everyone is a little different and has different needs'. Really triggers me and makes my blood boil!

Keep us updated on what happens next, seems as if the road to diagnosis needs strength and courage, which I feel you have, so keep going! Much love!

DuckDuckGo to rescue, for me, on that one!

M said:

I'd also like to see NTs go through the process to see the difference,

Voight Kampff testing?

Yes it feels very exposing. I'd also like to see NTs go through the process to see the difference, but perhaps after my assessment as I have a tendency to copy others!

I have felt the same in the weeks since. Then I have to remember how I felt on the day and how I felt in the days after. I didn't sleep for a few days and couldn't switch off from what had happened on the assessment day. I have to remember how stripped back I felt on that day...it was almost like feeling like a child again...like before I had put all the coping strategies for every day life in place. I just wonder how non autistic people would deal with the tasks I had to do. 

Nice one. Keep going. I've felt a lot more positive about staying in work (even on those days when I've been overloaded and crashed at rock bottom) since I've had my diagnosis and psychologists report to wave at people.

That imposter thing. Yep. Completely normal. For weeks after my diagnosis I'd the sneaking suspicion I'd inadvertently conned my psychologist by being "off" on the day by being overtired and not engaging properly resulting in a misdiagnosis. Then I read about others experiences, learnt how NT's saw things, and it all started coming together.

Stay the course - really excited for you. Hope all continues to go well.

I'm good at masking - on an initial meeting with me you'd think 'what a nice chap'.    I'm highly interactive and bright - on the second or third meeting you might start to spot the signs - if you know what you're looking at.    Once you get to know me, it's blindingly obvious that I'm aspie.  

This did made me immediately think of instances where this has happened. 

Thank you. All of this makes sense. It is a lot to try to process and I always want to just know something. I think I need to see this as a longer learning process and one of rediscovery. 

M said:

Can I really just be so good at masking that nobody notices?!

I've found that a mask will always fail catastrophically when pressure is applied in the right way - manipulation, bullying, sudden unforeseen events etc.and you'll do something REALLY inappropriate.   Suddenly, everyone looks at you as though you just landed from Mars.     Then you realise that you've been masking all the time..

M said:

Is it normal to analyse your behaviour and answers after an assessment?

It is standard procedure ~ especially considering how much forethought and afterthought has to go into using social camouflage and personal masks, what with neurological and behavioural divergences not being on the whole accepted, but more often rejected.

So yes ~ prior and post analysis is a relatively normal behaviour.

M said:

I'm starting to feel like I don't know who I am because I'm questioning if I'm masking when I'm being normal or am I exaggerating when I'm saying why I think I'm autistic. 

Well you are either autistic or have enough autistic traits to warrant a full assessment, and no one actually knows who they truly are anyway ~ as what we are (as a conscious sole or individual personality) is an indefatigable mystery that is revealed through the clues or traits of our psychological and physiological embodiments; ecologically and sociologically.

M said:

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel like even though the assessor believed me today (or seemed to), other people who know me (or think they do) don't seem to be convinced. They all know I struggle with anxiety and would describe me as "odd", but being "autistic" seems to be something they find hard to believe. Is this because they don't understand autism and the differences across "the spectrum"?

Most people that know us or of us will have emotionally invested in their personally developed and socially integrated typology of who they think we are, and any other typological reassessment and identification or verification will take time to adjust to, just as their previous personal and social assessments of you took time to develop in the first place.

M said:

Can I really just be so good at masking that nobody notices?! Is that really how we can be? 

Social camouflaging is another factor to consider along with the personal masking, plus most people are more concerned with their personal position in the social hierarchy along with others in general ~ being that they do not want to be an outsider as safety in numbers is all they really know, and all they really want to identify and get along with. This is of course remembering that social conformity is both a shared and an enforced state of affairs, and hence most people preferring to remain faithful to it rather than not.

Is it normal to analyse your behaviour and answers after an assessment? I'm starting to feel like I don't know who I am because I'm questioning if I'm masking when I'm being normal or am I exaggerating when I'm saying why I think I'm autistic. 

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel like even though the assessor believed me today (or seemed to), other people who know me (or think they do) don't seem to be convinced. They all know I struggle with anxiety and would describe me as "odd", but being "autistic" seems to be something they find hard to believe. Is this because they don't understand autism and the differences across "the spectrum"? Can I really just be so good at masking that nobody notices?! Is that really how we can be? 

Yes fortunately this coincided with my annual leave completely by chance. I have some days of walking and knitting planned but not at the same time.

M said:

UPDATE: I did it! 

Great to hear your news! You did it! 

90 minutes is like some sort of marathon! Hope you have a really good rest. Can you have a relaxing couple of days to recover?

Thank you. I've had a bit of a meltdown and gone to bed. I feel like I am very heavy now but I really need to have a more relaxed hour or so before this appointment. I've now started to worry none of my technology will work... 

Almost there. You can do it. Will be thinking of you at 1pm. Hope it goes okay. 

Good luck with it all - hope you get the results you want. 

Easier said than done though. I'm already tired and it isnt even the afternoon yet.